When the Shooting Stops the Silence is Deafening
by photogirl21
Summary: What was it really like for Callie and Arizona during the lockdown and how do they deal with aftermath? Callie/Arizona.
1. The Lockdown

**Disclaimers  
**ABC owns all the rights to the Grey's Anatomy characters Callie and Arizona  
No Beta so all my mistakes are mine

This finale was so good that I still can't get it out of my head. The Callie/Arizona story line made me very happy but I wished they had more screen time. This recaps the events of the finale and shows what each could have been thinking during them. It will eventually go into what happens after they make up. Their thoughts are in _italics_. Enjoy!

When the Shooting Stops the Silence is Deafening 

_Alright, you're just going to walk in, ask for the chart and leave. There's no reason to even run into Arizona because she'll probably be in a patient's room_. Callie takes a deep breath and pushes open the door that leads to the Peds floor. Arizona is leaning on the counter by the nurse's station reviewing some files. As soon as Callie walks in Arizona looks up from her charts. _Perfect, I'm not even on the floor for a second and I see her._ "Jason Perkins" Callie says as she walks up to the nurse's station while avoiding eye contact with Arizona. The phone rings while Callie is anxiously awaiting the file so she can leave but when the nurse hangs up the phone she says something that makes any hopes of leaving impossible.

Arizona watches Callie walk in and ask for her file without even glancing at her_. She won't look at me. I know we're broken up but friends can still look at each other_. Attempting to take her mind off things she asks the nurse on the phone to page Little Grey but instead the nurse informs her, "We're on lockdown."

"What, why?" Arizona asks in surprise.

"Oh come on." Callie says. _This is so not happening._

"This has to be joke." Arizona says risking a glance at Callie to see if she knows anything. "It's a drill or something?" But before she can say anything else a small symphony of pagers go off all confirming the same truth. "Ok, this is no joke." Arizona states as her staff gathers around the nurse's station. "Everyone, everyone." Arizona says getting their attention while Callie looks down at her pager confirming the horrible truth that she's now stuck on this floor. "We're sealing the floor. I don't know why and it doesn't matter why. But no one goes in or out past the double doors." The group of doctors and nurses listen carefully as she speaks. "You go check on your patient's and then you come back and check if we have any others in que. We don't have a lot of hands on deck. And people, do not alarm the makers of the tiny humans. They will eat you alive." Arizona finishes in a warning hoping to keep this quite for as long as possible.

Callie inwardly smirked at the tiny human comment until she remembered how upset she was with the blonde. As the crowd thinned Arizona picks up the phone but speaks directly to Callie. "I really thought that it was joke."

"Sick joke." Callie mutters under her breath.

"Excuse me?" Arizona asks in disbelief at Callie's statement.

"Uh, nothing." Callie responds while looking at her blackberry.

_Ok that's it. What is going on with her?_ "What? What you can't be stuck on the same floor as me? That's a hardship for you?" Arizona asks with annoyance lacing her voice.

"Yeah, frankly it is." Callie replies curtly as she grabs a chart and goes off to find the patient's room leaving behind a stunned Arizona. _Just in and out to get a chart from Peds No reason to see Arizona… yeah right._

_XXX_

_Just breathe. You can handle this, you're a doctor, you're a professional and you're not going to freak out._ "We have what forty-two kids, four doctors and nine nurses. It's not enough" Arizona exclaims after hearing the status reports from her staff. _Way to not freak out_ Arizona thinks grumpily to herself.

Until now Callie has done everything possible to avoid speaking to Arizona. Being stuck on the floor is bad enough but making small talk is asking too much. Callie can hear the tension in Arizona's voice and she can't help but notice the stress on her former girlfriends beautiful face. _I know I'm mad but I can't just stand by and watch her freak out._ Taking a breath she breaks her silent treatment. "Why don't you just put all the kids in the play room?" Arizona immediately looks at Callie in shock that she is actually speaking her and relief that she is helping. "We don't have enough staff for a whole floor. So at least they'll all be in one place, one big room and we keep an eye on all the kids all at once." Callie offers trying not notice how even more amazing Arizona looks when the stress leaves her face. _Focus Callie._

"You can't put a bunch of sick kids in the play room with all their beds and everything." An intern pipes in. Barely taking her eyes off Calliope, Arizona quickly replies, "Sure we can. Stable ones can walk and we have wheelchairs so let's do it." The staff quickly disperses to put the plan into action.

"Thanks" Arizona tells Callie while breathing a sigh of relief. _Maybe she's back to normal now and the whole cold shoulder thing is over._

"Whatever." Callie mutters in an uncaring voice as she walks away.

_Then again maybe not_. Arizona watches in disbelief as Callie again walks away from her. _I know we're on lock down and she can't really go anywhere but this whole walking away thing is really getting on my nerves._

_XXX_

As they are moving children down to the play room Arizona is trying cheer up the little girl she is pushing in a wheelchair. However, her thoughts are filled with Calliope and how she has been acting. _This is going to drive me crazy. I have to get to the bottom of this_. No sooner does she think this then she hears the irritated voice of one Calliope Torres.

"Hey, watch it." Callie says as they nearly have a collision with wheelchairs they are each pushing.

"Sorry." _Ok, no time like the present_. "I thought we were going to be friends?" Arizona asks as her and Callie walk down the hall.

"You wanna talk about this now?" Callie asks in disbelieve. "We're on lockdown moving kids, God knows what's happening and you wanna talk about this?" _We're in the middle of some type of crisis and she thinks now the appropriate time to talk about our failed relationship._

"Well, we're stuck here and we have to be together, so yeah I wanna talk about this." Arizona says completely confused by Callie's behavior. _I thought we were doing alright. I mean besides that kiss in the elevator, which I couldn't help myself from doing, we've been pulling off the friends' thing._

Taking a deep breath as they continued wheeling down the hallway Callie quickly replies. "Ok fine. I tried being friends, rising above. I tried that and now I'm over it. I'm going to go the more traditional route of totally hating your guts." She says firmly as she turns into the playroom leaving Arizona with a shocked expression. _What the hell?_

_XXX_

Arizona follows Callie out into the hall after they had placed the children in the playroom. _This is ridiculous! I try to be friendly and make the breakup as pain free as possible she hates my guts? I'm in love with her and she hates my guts. You have to be kidding_. Arizona is outraged at Callie as she quickly moves in front of the taller woman blocking her escape down the hallway. _She's not walking away from this conversation._ "I don't deserve this. I have treated you with nothing but respect and love and..."

But Callie cuts her off with her Latino temper already rising. "No see that's the thing. You think you have but you haven't." _Love and respect my ass. You make me fall in love with you and then you break my heart._

"I'm sure that it feels great to act like I'm the bad guy but that's the biggest load of," Arizona remembers that there are still tiny humans in earshot, "you know what that I've ever heard." She finishes in a loud whisper with her eyes narrowing_. How did we get here? To her hating my guts? _

Callie's voice immediately changes to a very serious and angry tone. _Fine Arizona, you asked for it._ "I have spent the last month trying to convince myself that I don't need kids to be happy." Callie hates admitting that even though they were broken up she was still trying to figure out a way for them to be together. "Really trying. Giving lectures to myself and saying it out loud to you and to Mark and turning myself inside out to want what you wanted. And then I stopped for a second and thought did you ever try to imagine what it would be like to change for me? Because I don't you think did." Her temper is almost full throttle as she looks at the blonde in front of her_. I loved you with my whole heart and you crushed me. I wanted to spend my life with you and you threw it back in my face._ Callie's anger only increases as does her voice while she continues. "What you did was dismiss my dream. My dream! Which says to me that you don't give a rats ass if I'm happy." _You didn't even care enough to try and change_. "I never understood squat about who you are and now I do and I don't like it." Callie finishes with a disgusted voice. She attempts to storm off down the hall not sure where she can go because of the stupid lockdown but before she can take more then three steps Arizona quickly moves in front of her to block her way.

_You don't get to walk away from this conversation, we're not finished yet!_ "Oh really, really?" Arizona says in an irritated tone. "I'm supposed to change for you? Why, because we're in love?" the blonde says slightly sarcastically. "Because you fall in love all the time, men, women…" Arizona trails off in an accusatory tone finally voicing a fear that she has had since the start of their relationship_. This is why I tried to not date you in the beginning. I don't date newborns. It never works and now I'm paying the price. You don't know what you want and if I change for you and you leave me I'll be devastated._ Before Arizona can continue a nurse quickly wheels Ruby down the hall towards her and Callie.

"Dr. Robbins's, her appendix." The nurse explains as Ruby moans in pain.

Arizona immediately snaps back into doctor mode and leaves to get the needed supplies but Callie follows her determined to finish the conversation. "When are you going to forgive me for not being a good enough lesbian for you?" the olive skinned woman asks in a frustrated tone_. I stand up to my dad and get disowned for dating you but that's not enough to show that I love you?_

Taking a breath Arizona replies, "When you do something to convince me that you're falling in love with me and not with being in love_._"_ Callie was right, this is the wrong place for this conversation but it's too late now._ _I can't believe I'm finally telling her this and in the middle of an argument no less._ She continues gathering medical supplies without looking at Callie_._ Arizona's heart pounds in her chest as she continues. "When you do something to convince me that I'm different from George O'Malley, Erica Hahn, Mark Sloan or the girl at the coffee cart." _Something that proves that you want me. Just me and that I'm enough for you. _Arizona finally turns to face Callie noticing a stunned look on her face. "I mean you have a huge heart and I love that about you but I don't trust you. Why would I?" she finishes in a tone that suggests this was most obvious statement in the world. _I've always been afraid that I was just a phase for you. That you'll wake up one day and realize that you never really wanted me but more the idea of me._

Callie just stands there dumbfounded as Arizona finishes her rant. _I never knew she felt that way. _But before Callie can say anything the nurse finds them. "Dr. Robbins, her appendix." "POW" she mouths as both Callie and Arizona rush back to Ruby.

XXX

In the medical exam room Callie can't help but replay the conversation in her head as Arizona tends to Ruby_. "I don't trust you. Why would I?" _Those words had stopped Callie dead in her tracks. The whole argument up until then had made sense but that statement altered everything. It broke Callie's heart and shocked her that Arizona felt that way_. I love her. As if she's even in the arena as George or Erica. Yes, I loved them both but not like I love Arizona. She means everything to me. She's my whole world and all this time she never knew. I never made her feel how important she is to me. _Callie brought back to the scene at hand as she hears Ruby whimper in pain.

"Squeeze my hand. Tight, tight, tight."Callie tells Ruby while Arizona gives her a shot. "Wow you're strong!" Callie says bringing a faint smile to the little girl's lips.

Arizona briefly looks up from her work on Ruby to stare at Calliope. _She's so good with her. I can see why she wants kids. She'll make an amazing mother._ As Arizona is gazing at her Callie looks up._ I know were broken up and in the middle of a fight but when she looks acts like this all I want to do is beg her to take me back. _Arizona is about to look away when she sees Calliope's expression turn to fear at something behind her. Arizona quickly turns around and feels her blood run cold as she sees a visibly upset man holding a gun standing in the doorway.

_Oh God please don't shoot_. Barely able to think let alone speak Arizona finds that she can only utter one phrase, "There are only children here." Then she turns her back towards gunman as she covers Ruby who's crying for her mother. _There are only children here_. Arizona keeps repeating it over and over in her head unaware that she's actually saying it out loud. Frozen with fear she can do nothing but offer protection to Ruby who thankfully is not facing the door.

_Oh God. Stay clam. Don't freak out. Protect Arizona. Protect Ruby. Please don't shoot. _A million thoughts race through Callie's mind as she sees the gunman appear in the doorway. One moment she is smiling at Arizona and the next she is looking a killer in the face. It takes Callie a moment to process and collect herself enough to have a response. Arizona informs him it's a children's floor and then she appears to go into shock muttering the phrase over and over again under her breath.

"They shot me." He mutters in disbelief as he holds the gun in one hand and blood drips from his left shoulder.

_I have to do something to get him to leave. I just need to get him to leave._ Callie stands slowly so that she wouldn't startle him. _Stay calm._ "Mr. umm?"

"Clark." The older man replies while clearly fighting off the pain of his bullet wound. "Gary Clark." he tells her as he watches her rise from the stool.

Callie takes a deep breath to calm her nerves and slowly makes her way around the bed Ruby is laying in_. Just be calm and don't look at Arizona. You're going to lose it if you look at her._ "Mr. Clark here are some bandages." Callie says as she very slowly reaches onto the table for them. Keeping her eyes on Mr. Clark she can hear Ruby crying for mother and Arizona softly repeating in staggered breathy words, "There are only children here."

Callie begins to tremble with fear but she forces herself to continue with a steady voice. "Press them to the wound and it'll stop the bleeding." She offers them to him but he makes no move to get them. "Just take them." Callie tells him. Very slowly he reaches out his right hand covered in blood which is also holding the gun to get them.

_Stay calm. Stop shaking. It's almost over. Give him the bandages and ask him to leave. Don't touch the gun or he'll think I'm trying to take it. Put the bandages in his hand and ask him to leave and stop shaking damnit!_ Callie very carefully places the bandages in his hand with only a slight tremble visible in hers. "Take them. Take them… and go."

At that he sharply looks her in the eye_. I'm going to die. Please don't kill me. Please don't shoot._ After the longest moment of Callie's life he says, "Thank you." in a gasping voice as he slowly staggers back down the hall and away from the exam room.

It takes Callie a moment to compose herself as he leaves_. I could have died._ She then quickly slams the door shut and turns around. _Thank you God for protecting me._

"I want my mommy!" Ruby cries as Callie makes her way over to the frightened child noticing that Arizona is still in a state of shock muttering that phrase. _I just have to give her time to come out if it. _"I know you do sweetie and she's going to be back soon." Callie says soothingly as she attempts to calm down Ruby.

Callie gets more concerned for Arizona as she stays frozen in her protective position over Ruby still repeating that phrase. But Callie can't address Arizona directly_. I have to try and calm them both down. _"But you know what until she gets here you have the best doctor in the whole world here with you right now. Yeah, Dr. Robbins is the best doctor in this entire hospital, I think in the whole world."

At the sound of her name Arizona slowly starts to realize the danger is over and she begins to breathe normal. _He's gone. I'm alive. Calliope saved us._ Arizona is still tense with fear but she starts to listen to Callie's soothing voice.

"People feel so much better after she helps them. Sometimes people feel better just after she walks in the room." Callie continues talking to Ruby but silently hopes that Arizona understands what she is doing. "Cause she has got this super magic smile and when she smiles at you everything gets better." _I always feel better when you're nearby. _Callie takes her eyes of Ruby to look upon the tear streaked face of the woman she loves.

Arizona stares back with wide eyes at Callie as she calms Ruby down. _She's calming me down too _Arizona realizes. Only Callie would find a way to do both. Arizona watches Calliope in awe as she talks to Ruby and tells her how amazing she thinks Arizona is. Listening to her speak Arizona realizes how much Calliope loves her. _She risked everything without even thinking to protect me. And now even after the danger is gone she's still looking after me._

Callie briefly gets lost looking into Arizona eyes trying to see if she is alright. Realizing that she has stopped talking for a moment Callie quickly returns her gaze to Ruby and starts up again. "You don't know it because you have your back turned to her right now but she's giving you… wow she's giving you her best super magic smile." Callie finishes with a smile of her own sensing that Ruby is calm now. "Isn't that right Dr. Robbins?" Callie asks as she looks back over to Arizona. _Please say something Arizona. I need to know you're ok._

Arizona takes another deep breath feeling her heart start to slow down as she looks at Calliope. _How could I have doubted that she loves me? She risked her life for me. She's amazing. She's… everything. _Understanding that this is Callie's way making sure she is alright Arizona finds her voice to answer. "Right, I am Ruby."

"I gotta call the police and tell them what happened, ok?" Callie whispers trying not to alarm Ruby.

Arizona senses that Callie wants to say more but knows now is not the time. "I'm… I'm good." Arizona manages to get out while Callie brings her hand up to caress Arizona's cheek. Calliope's soft touch causes a million emotions to run through Arizona as she briefly closes her eyes. Relief, calmness, safety but most of all love. _She loves me_.

Callie doesn't want to leave Arizona's side but she knows that the police need to be notified. There is no time to further check on Arizona and make sure she is ok but Callie can't just walk away either. As Arizona is telling her that she is good, Callie reaches out to stroke her face. _I need to know you're safe. Please understand that I love you and I won't let anything harm you._ Arizona briefly closes her eyes at the touch and Callie lets out a sigh of relief knowing that Arizona is alright. Slowly removing her hand Callie makes her way over to the phone. _I can't believe what just happened._

_XXX_

Shortly after Callie called the police the Swat team came to the Peds floor and escorted everyone safely outside. Callie and Arizona stayed with Ruby neither able to talk about what had just happened. Once outside they made sure that Ruby was safely inside the ambulance before shutting the doors and watching it speed away. Now with Ruby taken care of there is nothing to distract them from the current situation and everything that has happened. They slowly turn to face each other, looking into each others eyes as if seeing the other one for the first time in months.

Arizona looks at Calliope with fresh eyes_. I'm completely in love with her. She saved me. I had just yelled at her an hour ago. I all but mocked our love when I asked if she expected me to change just because we love each other and after all that she saved me. I froze, I couldn't move. So much for being a good man in a storm. But Calliope…_ Arizona notices the gorgeous Latino giving her a quizzical look. _She's really does love me and I always knew that. It was stupid of me to ask her to prove her love. My own fears and insecurities about being left behind and abandoned. What if she had died protecting me? Just trying to convince me that she loves me? _At these thoughts Arizona is overcome with feelings of guilt and fear and she has to get away._ I just need to clear my head before I say anything meaningful to her about my actions and our whole kids issue. I don't want to push her. That's all I did today_, the blonde thinks ruefully.

"I'm going to go see if kids need help finding their parents." Arizona tells Callie as she turns and walks away, pulling Callie out of her thoughts.

While Callie watched the ambulance leave she quickly realizes that this is the first chance she has had to be alone with Arizona since the gunman. Turning to face her Callie is once again stuck by how stunning Arizona is. _I love her so much._ _Thank God we're alright. I can't believe that this all happened. Is she ok? Are we ok? I know she told me that she's good but I never got to really ask her._ Callie raises her eyebrows giving Arizona a quizzical look and trying to silently ask if everything is still good. _I have never been so scared in my entire life. I could have been killed. I could have lost her…I know that having kids will make me happy but not having Arizona will destroy me. I have to tell her that she's all I need. Kids or no kids it's her that can't live without. If I had lost her…_ Callie is shaken from her thoughts as Arizona talks about helping kids find their parents as she begins to leave.

Watching her walk away Callie feels her heart constrict. She's not ready to have Arizona out of her sight._ I have to tell her now before we fall into the same pattern. After today there's no time to waste and she has to know._ "People died today. People are dead." The words are painful to say. Admitting out loud what happened makes everything more real. Arizona quickly turns at Callie's words, surprised that she is bringing this up. Callie's beautiful face reflects the stress of today's events but even more it shows her resolve about what she is saying. Taking a breath to push back the thoughts of what could have happened to them Callie continues, "I don't wanna have kids if it means I can't be with you." _There. Our problems are solved. Now please come back over here. I'm not ready to be separated from you._

Arizona slightly shakes her head as the shock of what Callie is saying sinks in_. She's willing to give up everything to be with me. I know how badly she wants kids but she'll sacrifice her dream to be with me. _"No, no." Arizona says in a gentle tone not wanting Callie to misunderstand what she's trying to say as she walks back over to her. _I have to fix this. She has to know that I love her too and that I'll change for her. I love her and she's everything so of course I'll change._

Looking directly into Callie's eyes Arizona feels a weight being lifted as she says, "We'll have kids. We'll have all kinds of kids." Callie's face quickly turns to one of surprise. _Of all the things I'd thought she say that was no where on the list. I finally agreed to not have kids so why is she willing to have them?_

"And I always thought that I wasn't cut out to be a mom." Arizona continues as she voices a concern that she's had since Callie brought up the whole baby thing. "But you'll be a great mom, you'll be an amazing mom." Arizona says while she remembers how Callie was with Ruby. At those words Callie feels her eyes fill up with her first happy tears in months. _She's changing for me. She loves me! _Happiness spreads through Callie as Arizona continues.

"And I love you so much and I can't live without you and our ten kids and…" Unable to resist it any longer Callie cuts Arizona off by pulling her into a heart stopping kiss. When the woman you love offers you your dream there's nothing else to do but kiss her passionately.

Arizona is completely taken by surprise. _I have to make sure she knows that I need her. That she's everything. _Arizona had planned to say more, to tell Callie how she feels and hope that the dark haired woman would take her back but all thoughts leave her head as soon as she feels Calliope's lips on hers. Not normally one for PDA Arizona is momentarily stunned as she feels Calliope demand entrance into her mouth. Quickly responding Arizona raised her hands to pull Callie in closer. _I finally her have her back_ they both think as they passionately explore each other's mouths. Relearning the familiar terrain of each other's bodies their hands are everywhere. Wanting as much contact as possible to prove they are alive and safe. When air becomes an issue they pull away breathlessly with their foreheads still touching unwilling put more then an inch of space between them.

"I love you too." Callie says with a smile gracing her lips while breathing in the familiar scent of Arizona. _This is where I belong._

Arizona remains content to just keep her eyes closed and feel Calliope's closeness. It isn't until this moment that she realizes what could have happened to them in that exam room. _Everything could be so different. What if Calliope has been shot?_ Slowly opening her eyes just make sure Callie is real Arizona finishes what she had be trying to say before Callie kissed her. "And I'm sorry" she whispers trying to keep her voice from breaking.

Callie had been basking in the comfort of being back in the arms of woman she loves until she hears Arizona apologize. "Ari," Callie begins "what are you sorry for?" _It feels so good to use her nickname again._

Arizona pulls back to look Calliope in the eyes but as soon as she does she feels her control break. After everything that happened earlier, Arizona is unable to stop the flood emotions that she had been trying to keep at bay_. Don't breakdown in the middle of the parking lot. Keep it together._ But despite her best attempts Arizona can feel her eyes fill with tears threatening to fall at any moment.

Quickly realizing that her girlfriend was on the verge of an emotional breakdown Callie pulls her into a hug. "Shh, it's ok honey." she whispers into Arizona's ear while running her hands up and down the shorter woman's back in the hopes of calming her. _We need to talk about everything, but not here. This is the last place either of us wants to be._ Promptly coming to a decision Callie says, "Let's go home."

"Home?" Arizona questions meekly as she pulls back from the hug slightly. _We don't have a home because I was coward and moved out._

"Home." Callie states definitively as if she's been waiting say this to for a long while. _Which I totally have._ "Otherwise known as my apartment where you have been desperately missed. I hardly recognize the place without your clothes overtaking my closet and the Scooby-Doo toothbrush in the bathroom." Callie says earning a laugh out of her girlfriend. "Home." She continues in all seriousness. "Where we dance around to music and eat romantic dinners of pizza and fall into bed together." Callie finishes remembering some of her favorite memories.

Arizona looks up into the eyes of the most amazing woman she's ever known and feels herself fall even more in love. _That sounds wonderful but then we'll have to talk about what happened and that could mess things up for us. We're finally on semi-solid ground and I don't want to ruin it._ Quickly thinking of reasons to stay at the hospital Arizona starts saying anything that comes to mind. "But what about the tiny humans? I mean there are plenty of them that haven't been matched up to their parents. And they could use our help locating them and…"

Callie slowly puts her finger over Arizona's lips halting her rant and smiles. "Ari, do you really want to stick around and deal with a bunch of freaked out makers of tiny humans? They'll eat you alive, you know." She says with a smirk as she quotes her girlfriend.

Arizona can't help but laugh at Calliope's comment. _Why, I am worried about talking to her. We're going to be fine._ "That's true. The makers of tiny humans can be quite furious when they're alarmed." She says continuing the familiar banter with a grin.

Callie finally feels some of the tension slip away. _There's that super magic smile_. "So home?" she asks again while taking Ari's hand.

"Home." Arizona confirms while she gives Calliope's hand a squeeze as they make their way across the parking lot toward their home.

**So if you made it this far hopefully you liked the story. This was my first fanfiction so any reviews would be greatly appriecated. Thanks!**


	2. The Aftermath

**Thank you so much for the kind reviews. They are what kept me writing. :)**

**So this story took a turn that I wasn't expecting. This was suppose to be about the two of them dealing with the shooting but my muse was determined that they deal with the baby issue first. Therefore I'm going to have to write a third part so that I can finally do the scene I planned on writing. Lol. I hope you like it.**

The two women were unusually quiet on the walk back to Callie's apartment. Both were lost in their thoughts of what had happened while also trying to push them away. It seemed surreal that just five blocks away everything was normal. The sun was beginning to set on another day that had started the same as so many others do. Looking around it was strange to see kids playing hopscotch on the sidewalk and businessmen coming home from work. People were out jogging and shopping as if it was just another day, and to them it was. They hadn't starred down the barrel of gun or felt the fear of thinking that this was their last day on earth. These people had woken up and lived their lives and soon it will be just another day. A day that one month from now they won't be able to remember. But for Callie and Arizona this is a day that will stay with them for the rest of their lives.

As the elevator doors open they walk down the hallway towards Callie's apartment door. It's then that Callie realizes she doesn't have her key. _Shit. Key in purse. Purse in locker. Locker in hospital._ Lightly banging her head against the door upon reaching it, Arizona looks over at her.

"What's a matter?" Arizona asks, wondering why Callie is hitting her head against the door.

"Keys." Callie responds in a defeated tone as she straitens up and glares at the door. "They're still at the hospital."

"Oh" Arizona says as Callie turns towards her with exhaustion written all over her face.

"I guess I'll go see if my landlord is home." Callie tells her with a sigh as she begins to walk back down the hall. _Good plan Callie. Let's go home and stand in front of the door_ she thinks angrily to herself. _All I want to do is curl up with my girlfriend._

As Callie begins to walk away Arizona feels a blush start to appear on her face. _Oh just tell her. She's already seen you freak out today so why not top it off with a dash of pathetic. _Arizona reaches out and touches Callie's arm to stop her from walking away. "Calliope, you don't need to go. I have my keys on me. It was crazy this morning and I didn't have a chance to put them in my locker." the blonde explains as she pulls her keys out of her pocket.

Callie turns and looks at Arizona. "Alright. We'll need to get a cab though." Callie says as she thinks of the twelve block walk over to Arizona's place. _Normally it's not too bad but after today I can barely stand. _"I don't think I can make the walk over…" but Callie trails off mid-sentence as she sees Ari's face start to flush. _She never blushes. I mean unless she's really uncomfortable or embarrassed._ Callie remains quiet and waits for Arizona to speak because clearly Callie is missing something.

Arizona briefly looks up at Callie to see her patiently waiting for an explanation. _She's not getting it._ Arizona takes a deep breath and looks down at the keys in her hands as she speaks. "We don't need to go my apartment." _This is ridiculous. Just own up to the fact that you kept her apartment key because if I gave it back that would mean we really were finished and I wasn't ready to admit that._ "I… your key..." Arizona fumbles over her words as she finds the key on her keychain and hands it over to Callie who is clearly still waiting for Arizona to form a sentence. "I had meant to return it but…"

Callie thankfully starts talking as Arizona falls silent again. "Oh." Callie says in surprise and confusion as she takes the key from Arizona. _I thought she got rid of this a while ago._ "I thought you had…" but Callie trails off not wanting to voice that thought. _Why is this so awkward? It's just a stupid key._

Arizona finally looks at Callie again catching her eye. "I had meant to return it awhile ago because… well, you know why" she finishes and looks away again finding a spot on the wall to be very interesting. _That's a lie. You weren't planning on returning it_. Arizona takes a deep breath and looks back at Callie to see her standing there with confusion in her eyes. "That's not really true. I knew I should return it but I just couldn't because..."

"I understand." Callie says compassionately not wanting to have this conversation in the hall. Turning around Callie unlocks the door and pushes it open. _We really do need to talk_ she thinks as the two women walk inside.

Once inside the apartment silence engulfs the couple. Looking around the room Callie notices her cereal bowl from this morning still in the sink. _How strange to think that I was crying into that bowl this morning about Arizona and now hours later she's here with me after we survived a shooting at work. _A brief shudder goes down her spine as she remembers the terror she felt in the exam room. _Keep it together Torres. _Looking for something to take her mind off those thoughts Callie realizes that the apartment is quite messy since her and Christina have been too heartbroken to clean. She hastily begins picking up dirty plates and other garbage. "I'm sorry it's such as mess. We just haven't gotten around to cleaning this week." _More like this month but Ari doesn't need to know that._

Being back in the apartment is overwhelming for Arizona as she is suddenly flooded with memories of the two of them while she looks around. So many important things had happened in this room. _Callie called me her girlfriend at that counter, we made love for the first time in that bedroom and I told her I loved her on that couch. _Looking at the other couch in the living room Arizona feels her stomach plummet. _And that's the couch where I broke both of our hearts._ Before she can stop it Arizona is brought back to that night_. "I love you. Everything about you. But there's this one thing that I need and I can't change it. And I can't ask you change, I don't want you to change" Callie said through tears. "And I can't be the one that keeps you from having a baby." I tell her. "I love you too. And we can keep going." I say hoping to keep us together. "But I don't know where we're going." Callie tells me as I watch her heart break. I pull her next to me on the couch and kiss her. "What are we going to do?" she asks me. "Well I'm going to get my stuff together." I tell her. _Shaking her head Arizona pushes away the memory and notices Callie franticly picking up trash and trying to straighten up the room.

"Calliope." Arizona calls to her but she keeps moving around the apartment as if having it clean will make things less awkward. _If only it was that simple._ Arizona walks into the kitchen where Callie is attempting to fit everything into the trash can. "Calliope." Arizona says again while she comes up beside her, placing her hand on Callie's arm. Callie finally stops and looks over at Arizona. "What are you doing?"

Sheepishly Callie looks down at the trash can that is overflowing and then back at Arizona. "Cleaning?"

Arizona gives a slight chuckle. "You hate cleaning."

"I know but…" Callie gives up on fitting everything into the trash can and turns to face Arizona fully. _Why is this so difficult! It's like there's a wall between us._ Taking a deep breath Callie leans forward and rests her head on the blondes shoulder as she asks, "What are we going to do?" _I have no idea how to act or what to say_ but Callie's inner monolog instantly stops when she feels Arizona tense underneath her.

Arizona was enjoying the comfort being near Callie until she hears Callie say "What are we going to do?" It is knee jerk reaction when Arizona feels herself go completely tense at those words. _I broke up with her like this. We're almost in the same position. Oh God, I don't want to think about this._ Feeling the pain of that night wash over her again Arizona tries to relax her body so Callie won't notice. _Too late._ Arizona feels Callie pick her head up.

"What's a matter?" _Is she uncomfortable with us touching? I mean she didn't mind it when I kissed her at the hospital but our emotions were high. Maybe I'm reading this wrong. Are we back to together?_ A million thoughts race through Callie's head as she waits for Arizona to respond.

Seeing the worry and hesitation in Callie's eyes Arizona immediately brings her hand up to Callie's face gently running her thumb over Callie's cheek. "Nothing." Arizona says knowing that neither one of them believe that. "It's just… can we sit down and talk?" _I need a few more moments to get my thoughts together._

"Sure." Callie responds glad that they were finally going to deal with this awkward air surrounding them. She goes to sit on the couch furthest from the door when she feels Arizona grab her hand.

"Not that one." _I broke your heart on that couch._

"Ok." Callie says slowly as she waits for Arizona to choose a seat.

Realizing that Calliope must think she's acting crazy Arizona tugs Callie down onto the other couch. _Where I found you waiting for me on my birthday. _Callie sits down next to Arizona with questioning eyes._ I guess I should just jump in. _"I like this couch." the blonde states.

"Ok?" Callie says again still not fully understanding where this conversation is going.

"Ask me why I like this couch." Arizona says.

"Alright. Why do you like this couch?" Callie asks hoping that the answer would somehow explain Arizona's strange behavior. _What is going on inside that head of yours?_

"I like this couch because when I came home on my birthday the most beautiful woman in the world was asleep on it. She had set-up balloons and bought donuts and was wearing extremely sexy lingerie just to cheer me up even though we had been fighting that day." Arizona tells her as she smiles at the memory. "I like this couch because when I saw you that night I knew that I had fallen on love with you. And when you woke up and started rambling I couldn't keep it to myself, I had to let you know." Arizona moves closer to Callie and takes her hands as she continues. "I like this couch because it's where you told me that you loved me for the first time." At this Arizona brings Callie's hands up to her lips and kisses them.

Callie just sits there mesmerized by the woman in front of her. _Ari never talks about her feelings like this_. Callie begins to say something in return but Arizona silences her with a gesture. Nodding in understanding Callie waits for Arizona to continue. _If she needs to talk then I'll listen for as long as she wants._

_Ok that was the easy part. Now for the hard part_. "Ask me why I don't like that couch." Arizona says as she lets go of Callie's hands to point at the couch opposite them.

Still not fully understanding what Arizona is trying to tell her Callie plays along hoping to gain some clarity. "Ok, why don't you like that couch?"

_Moment of truth_. Taking in a deep breath Arizona pauses before speaking. "I don't like that couch because…" Arizona can feel the pain of that night come back full force causing her eyes to tear up. _Stop it! You're not going to fall apart._

Upon seeing Arizona go from smiling to teary eyed Callie tries to pull her into a hug but Arizona moves away.

"No. I have to get this out." Arizona says angrily talking more to herself then Callie.

"Ari. It's been long day and maybe…" but Callie is interrupted by Arizona who seems to have pulled herself together enough to continue talking.

"No Calliope." Arizona says using her full name to let her that she isn't upset with her. "I really need to say this because I haven't talked to anyone about it." _I just shut-down and pretended it didn't happen. I couldn't even tell my parents._

"Alright." Callie says still clearly worried. "Why don't you like that couch?" she asks again hoping to get Arizona talking. _Is the couch a metaphor? What is this all about?_

"I don't like that couch because…" Arizona pauses and then changes tactics as she stands up and begins pacing. "I hate that couch because that's the couch where I broke your heart." She finally says. "I hate that couch because I was a coward there. You told me you loved everything about me. You came to me vulnerable and scared because the whole baby issue was pulling us apart and instead of facing it with you I walked away." Arizona says with self disgust. _How could I just walk away from you when you were pouring your heart out?_

Surprised by Arizona's sudden outburst Callie stands up and tries to calm the blonde. "You didn't just walk away. I told you I didn't want you change. There was nothing else you could have done. We were at an impasse. I wanted kids and you didn't." _Did she mean it today when she said we would have kids? This is not the time for that question Torres!_ "It wasn't either of our faults."

Arizona looks over at Callie and laughs remorsefully. "Yes it was Calliope. It was my fault." Looking away she finally admits the thoughts that have been haunting her. "You told me how you felt about having kids but I never told you why I didn't want them. Then when you tried to figure it out I lashed out at you when you got it wrong. I was harsh with you and I swear I didn't mean to be." Arizona says as her eyes silently plead with Callie to believe her. "I made it seem like you were making an unreasonable request of me."

"No you didn't." Callie tries to cut in. _Where is all this coming from?_ But Arizona is determined to get this out and continues talking as if Callie didn't say anything.

"I watched you struggle and I did nothing to help you. I saw your heart breaking as you tried to convince yourself that you could live without kids." Arizona says remembering that night in bed when Callie tried to convince her she didn't want a baby. _The pain in her voice was unbearable. I didn't mean to put her through that. If I had only been honest._

Determined to end Arizona's rant Callie firmly stops her pacing so that Arizona has to look at her. "Ari, where is this coming from?" Suddenly a realization dawns on Callie. _She doesn't want kids. We were caught up in the moment at the hospital and our emotions running wild after surviving the shooting._ Callie feels same cold shiver go down her back at the thought of the shooting but she pushes it away. Waiting until Arizona looks at her Callie takes a breath and continues. "I meant what I said at the hospital. If I have to chose between having kids or having you. I pick you." _I want kids but I want you more._ "You're what I want so don't beat yourself up. I understand. Things at the hospital were crazy and you got caught up in the moment when you told me we'd have kids." Callie finishes as she forces a weak smile and shoves away the vision of her and Arizona holding a baby.

Arizona stares unbelievingly as Callie speaks to her. _What? I'm screwing this up again._ "Calliope, no that's not what…" Arizona tries to explain but Callie cuts her off.

"Really, it's alright. I understand." Callie says as she puts on a brave face. "I just need a little time to get used to it but it's fine." _Don't get emotional or she's going to think you don't mean it when I really do. _"Can we just talk about something else now?"

_Arizona, fix this! You're breaking her heart again!_ "No, because you don't understand." the blonde woman states calmly.

"Arizona" Callie says with frustration as she takes a step back_. Doesn't she know how hard this is for me?_

Sensing that the conversation is about to take a turn for the worst Arizona jumps in, "I'm scared." she blurts out clearly taking Callie off guard with the comment. "You said you didn't know squat about me and you were right. I never told you. I'm scared." Seeing that Callie was no longer frustrated Arizona continues. "In my experience when things change that means people leave. So when you started talking about wanting a baby I was afraid. Because that is a huge change and I didn't want to lose you. It would kill me if you left so instead I tried to keep things the same and I ended up pushing you away. I figured it was better to lose you now then to wait and fall even more love with you and then have you leave me."

Callie stood motionless in surprise_. She's scared of losing me? But I love her. I'm not going anywhere_. Attempting to form a sentence Callie tries to response. "I… I'm not leaving you."

Smiling at Callie's confusion Arizona keeps talking. "Well, no not now. But what about a year from now? Or two or five? When you realize that our relationship isn't what you want anymore. When I don't fit into your new life?" Arizona says calmly feeling like she is finally making progress. Callie attempts to dissuade her but Arizona steps forward and places a finger on the Latina's lips silencing her response. "I know you won't leave me," she says with smile, "But that's what I was afraid of. Every time you brought up the baby issue I could feel the clock ticking on us and I was convinced that pretty soon our relationship would be over."

Callie stands there processing everything. _Well, it makes a lot of sense why she doesn't want a baby._ "Ari. I'm not going to leave you." Callie states making sure that there was no question on that point. "And I really do understand what you're saying. Having a baby is a huge change and you're right. Our relationship would change because of it but you will never not fit into my life." Callie says determinedly earning a full blown Arizona smile including dimples. _God I missed that smile_. "I really am ok with not having a baby." she finishes feeling much better about everything.

"What?" Arizona says completely taken a back. "But you want a baby."

"Yes, but I don't want you to have to live with that kind of fear." Callie tells her.

_She thinks I'm changing my mind and she's willing to let me_. Arizona feels her heart swell at the sacrifice Callie is willing to make for her. _How did I get so lucky?_ Unable to stop herself Arizona quickly pulls Callie into a short but passionate kiss completely surprising the taller woman. "You're amazing Calliope Torres. You have no idea how much that means to me." Arizona says in astonishment. _If her saving my life at the hospital hadn't convinced me that she loves me this sure would have._

Callie is still recovering from the unexpected kiss as Arizona continues talking. Callie can't help but smile at the blonde even though a part of her aches at the acceptance that she is never going to have a baby. "I just want you to be happy." Callie tells Arizona.

"I know you do and want to make you happy as well." Arizona says as she puts her arms around Callie's waist and pulls her in until their bodies are touching. "That's why we're going to have kids."

Callie goes stiff at that statement. _Huh? Did I hear her right? What the hell is going on? She wants kids, she doesn't want kids._ "What?" Callie says trying to keep the hope out of her voice. _My emotions can't take this._

"Calliope, I meant what I said at the hospital." Arizona tells her finally clearing everything up. "We'll have kids. I didn't say it because I was emotional or not thinking clearly. I meant it. I'm telling you all this because I want you to understand why I acted the way I did." Arizona's voice goes softer as she continues, "I'm telling you how I felt so that I can apologize for treating you the way I did. We'll have kids." Arizona says again to make sure Callie hears her. "And I'm sorry that I didn't tell you all of this a lot sooner." _There, she finally knows. Now I just need her to say something._ But Callie remains frozen in Arizona's arms. _Come on Calliope, I'm going to start freaking out if you don't talk soon._

Callie just stands there completely unable to process this unexpected turn of events. _We'll have kids? But I just accepted that I was never going to have a baby._ Looking back into the eyes of the Peds Surgeon who had stolen her heart Callie can tell Arizona is waiting for a response_. She's apologizing and we'll have kids? We'll have kids._ Callie slowly lets that knowledge seep in. _She's afraid of change but she'll change for me._ Attempting to process everything Callie tries to form a response. "We'll have kids and you're apologizing?" Callie asks slowly making sure she understands.

Arizona nods as she pulls Callie closer and softy whispers, "We'll have all kinds of kids."

Callie's eyes start to tear up at thought of having a baby, of having a family with Arizona. "So this whole thing with the couches and all was you apologizing?" Callie asks in a small confused voice.

"Yes." Arizona says as she pulls Callie in even closer until their foreheads are touching.

Pulling back slightly Callie looks her girlfriend in the eye. "Arizona Robbins," she begins in a scolding tone "You seriously need to learn how to concise your apologies." She laughs before she leans in to kiss her beautiful girlfriend.

Momentarily afraid that Callie was upset Arizona laughs and kisses her back happy that the seriousness of moment had passed.

Pulling back from the kiss Callie can't help but smile even as she feels the tears in her eyes finally roll down her cheeks. _She's given me everything. What did I do to deserve her?_ The emotions of the entire conversation catch up to Callie and she hugs Arizona tighter as she cries.

"Those are happy tears, right?" Arizona asks half joking and half serious. She feels Callie nod her head in agreement on the blonde's shoulder. A way of relief passes through Arizona before she speaks again. "Ok, good. I just wanted to make sure I didn't hug you too tight or step on your foot or something." A strangled chuckle escapes Callie as she tries to laugh while crying. Hearing Callie's laugh is one of the most wonderful sounds in the world to Arizona. _I haven't heard that laugh enough recently._ Determined to hear it again Arizona keeps talking. "Just checking because that would not be romantic at all and I don't want to have to leave your arms to go and get ice or something."

Pulling back with another chuckle Callie looks at the woman who has stolen her heart unable to believe her good fortune. "You're awesome, you know that right?"

"I know." Arizona responds with a grin in her perky voice bringing another smile to the Latina's lips even though she still has tears rolling down her face. Becoming more serious Arizona uses her thumb to brush away the remaining tears. "You make me feel awesome because what have together is awesome."

Finally feeling her tears slow down Callie leans in to kiss Arizona briefly, _just because I can,_ before turning her gaze to the couch across from them. _The couch she hates_. Abruptly Callie says, "I think we should donate that couch to WVU."

Completely thrown by the statement Arizona asks, "Why?"

With a mischievous smile quickly spreading across her face Callie replies, "Because their football team has been doing pretty good and when they win, they celebrate by burning couches."

Arizona can't help but laugh as she looks at her gorgeous girlfriend. "You know I do hate that couch but I don't know if it deserves to burn. Maybe I just need to associate with a new memory."

"Oh really?" Callie says with a smirk as she pulls Arizona closer so that their bodies are flush against one another. "Do you have any ideas on what kind of memory you want to make?" she whispers huskily in Arizona's ear causing a wave of desire to go through her whole body. _It's been so long since I made to love to her.43 days but who's counting._

"Maybe one or two" Arizona says breathlessly as Callie peppers kisses on neck.

"Mmmm." Callie hums as she continues giving attention to the spot right underneath Arizona's ear. "Like maybe some awesome make-up sex?" Callie asks as she begins steering the shorter woman towards the couch.

"That might…" _Oh God I love it when she kisses me there._ "That might work." Arizona manages to get out without moaning.

Gently falling back onto the couch the two women continue lavishing each other with soft caresses and kisses

"We are having make-up sex, right?" Arizona asks as she pulls back briefly.

"Oh God I hope so." Callie replies with lust in her voice as she moves in to kiss Arizona again.

But Arizona avoids the kiss with a grin on her face and waits until Callie looks at her_. I want her but I have to be sure._ "No, I mean... we are making up right? We're back together and I'm your girlfriend again?" she asks while trying to keep the insecurities out of her voice.

Callie's expression softens as Arizona asks her that question. _She needs reassurance._ "You, Arizona Robbins," she says slowly and deliberately as she looks into the eyes of the radiant blonde beneath her, "are not just my girlfriend. You are the love of my life and you always will be."

Arizona feels her heart flutter as Callie declares her love for her_. I have the most amazing girlfriend._ Arizona briefly flashes Callie a smile before she gently pulls the Latina down for another kiss.

Relishing in the feel of Arizona's lips on hers Callie begins to rapidly lose her bearings on reality getting lost in the emotions Arizona evokes in her. Slowly moving her hand down the blonde's body to begin ridding her of her cloths, Callie's progress is stopped short as the phone rings. _You have got to be kidding me_! Tearing her lips away from Arizona's she mutters, "Just let the machine get it." Instantly going back to kissing her girlfriend Callie stops again when she hears the deadpan voice of Christina Yang coming from the answering machine.

"Torres are you there?" the voice echoes through the apartment.

Letting out a sigh Callie looks down apologetically at Arizona. "I should answer that."

"I know." Arizona says understandingly, groaning at the loss of body contact as she feels Callie get up.

"Callie Torres!" the answering machine all but yells. "You had better be in that apartment because you aren't picking up your cell phone and I can't find you at the hospital. And I cannot handle finding another person I know lying in a hospital bed with a bullet in them from that stupid psycho shooter so pick up the damn phone!" Christina shouts in frustration and fear.

Midway through her walk over to the phone Callie freezes at what Christina is saying and then rushes over to the counter to pick up the phone as quickly as possible. "Christina, I'm here." She says immediately cutting off anything else her roommate may have planned on saying.

"Callie? Ok. Good." Yang replies switching back to her normal voice with no trace of emotion in it. "I just wanted to know if needed to start looking for another roommate." She attempts to joke but fails miserably.

An awkward pause hangs between the two roommates as Arizona makes her way over to Callie concerned about what has happened. Taking a deep breath Callie asks the question she doesn't want the answer to. "Who's been shot?" _I can't believe I forgot about the shooting._ Pulling the phone away from ear Callie puts it on speaker so Arizona can hear the answer.

They hear Yang take a breath before she answers in her most detached voice. "Shepherd, Karev and Hunt. Charles and Reed are dead along with several others. Shepherd is stable; Karev is in ICU and Hunt…" Christina's voice crakes momentarily as she talks about her boyfriend. "Hunt is fine." She continues firmly, "It was a clean shot through his shoulder and he's already been discharged."

Arizona felt the room around her fall away as Christina tells them the situation. _People I know are shot, are dead. I worked beside these men everyday. They're strong men. How can they be lying in a hospital bed? And the people who died… It could have been anyone of us. It was nearly Calliope._ Looking at her girlfriend her eyes began to fill with unshed tears because with so many emotions she didn't know how else to respond.

Callie just stands there in shock holding the phone as Christina lists off name after name feeling that all too familiar cold shutter run down her spine as talk of the shooting brings her back to the exam room. She quickly pushes away that thought and focuses on what her roommate is saying. _That's so many people. Those are my friends, my co-workers. None of us will ever be the same._ Looking away from the phone Callie sees Arizona start tear up at the information. _Stay strong, she needs you to not fall apart. Don't think of the exam room._

The gravity of the situation they survived at hospital comes back full force killing any of the romance that was left in the air as the two women look at each other.

"Christina, are you ok?" Callie asks forcing herself to sound calm_. For as cold as she acts she really does care for the people around her._

"I'm fine. Weren't you listening? I wasn't shot." She snaps back.

"Christina." Callie says more forcefully unwilling to let her off the hook that easy.

"I'm… I'll be fine." She says.

Knowing that is the best answer she'll get from Christina she accepts it. "Are you coming home tonight?"

"No, I'm going to stay at the hospital with Mer until Shepherd wakes up." Pausing for second Christina shows her concern for Callie. "Is Roller Girl ok?"

Looking over at Ari, Callie can see the surprise at that question in her eyes even though she is fighting tears at the news Christina has delivered. "Yeah, she's ok." _Thank God she's ok._

"Good. I know you'd be inconsolable if something had happened her." Switching back to her expressionless voice Christina wraps up the call. "Look, I'm going to go check on Mer."

"Alright. Thanks for calling. I'm… I'm glad you're ok." Callie gets out with only a slight tremor in her voice. _Keep it together Torres._

"Yeah, you too." Yang says before she hangs up the phone.

Silence fills the room rapidly once the phone call is over. Neither woman knows what to say. They had both been deliberately avoiding everything that happened at the hospital from the moment they entered Callie's apartment. Distracting themselves with the baby issue and their relationship so that this moment right now would never find them. The silence gets so quiet that it begins to reach a deafening level. Thoughts of the day and "what if's" swirl loudly in each woman's mind but neither are able to give them voice.

This moment had finally found them and there was no way to avoid it anymore. It was shouting mercilessly at them through the silence saying "There was a shooting at Seattle Grace hospital today and you could have died. A man with a gun cornered you in an exam room and you could have died." People talk about the moments when you think you're going to die but what they fail to mention is how you cope with that moment when you live through it.

As Callie puts the phone back in its cradle and turns to face Arizona the two women realize that the only way to live through that life threatening moment is to talk about what happened during it. At that realization they lock eyes, neither wanting to speak first and the silence between them reaches a deafening roar.

**I left it hanging in this spot so that my muse doesn't lead me astray again. Please review and let me know what you think of it.**


	3. The Aftermath Arizona

**I'm sorry it has taken me so long to update but bright side is that it's a long update and there will be one more chapter which is already half way done ****I found this difficult to write because I had so many ideas and I wanted it to be as good as the earlier chapters. After many re-writes and edits I finally think it's ready. I tried to put in some fluff but I found that to be very hard to write but hopefully it came out alright. Enjoy!**

As the two women look at each other as they both desperately search for something to say. But how do you respond to, "Three of your friends are shot and a dozen of your co-workers are dead?"

Finally finding her voice Callie says, "Pizza."

Arizona looks back at her in surprise. "What?" _Of all the things I was expecting her to say that sure as hell wasn't one of them._

"Pizza," Callie says as if she's made a decision. _This is going to work._ "People always tell you to eat after a tragedy," she continues while she makes her way over to the fridge.

Feeling her shoulders drop in disappointment Arizona watches Callie walk into the kitchen. _She's going to try and avoid this again. I can't do that. We need to deal with what happened. _"Calliope I'm not hungry." Arizona tells her hoping that Callie will turn around and actually deal with everything.

"Of course you aren't. That's why people always make you eat after a tragedy." she replies trying to joke. _This will work. This is technically dealing with stuff and she had the whole donut thing with grieving so this will totally work._

But Arizona wasn't having any of it. "Calliope," she says determinedly forcing the taller woman to turn around. "You could have been one of them." she says as she glances at the phone. "You could have been shot." The blonde states finally voicing the thought that has been haunting her since the gunman entered the exam room. _You could have died._

Recoiling immediately upon hearing the thought she has been avoiding in her own mind voiced aloud Callie feels that ice cold shiver crawl down her spine. "Can we not talk about this?" she replies tensely putting the pizza back in the fridge. _So much for my pizza idea. _

"No" the Peds Surgeon says firmly. _We are going to deal with this. _

"Why not." Callie asks fiercely before being drawn back to memories of the exam room. _He could have easily pointed that gun at me or Arizona. The look in eyes was terrifying. Stop. Stop thinking about it! _

In complete frustration Arizona shouts, "Because we need to! Because it happened! It's all around us." she says as she gestures at the apartment. "And it's affecting every thought and move we make."

Callie begrudgingly admits to herself that she's right but instead responds dismissively, "I don't want to talk about this." _I can't go back to that room. I can't feel like that again because I'll break. _

"I need to talk about this. There was a shooter loose in the hospital!" The words hang in the air for a moment until Arizona continues. "Our hospital, where you and I go everyday. How can we not talk about it?" she says as the fight that was suddenly in her leaves just as quickly. _Please talk to me._

"Ari, I just can't." Callie tells her in a defeated tone. _I'm not ready to face what happened. It was so quick that I didn't really process everything and now that I can…_ Fear and panic starts to overwhelm the dark haired beauty but she defiantly shoves those emotions away. _No! I'm not falling apart! _

Knowing that this was getting them no where Arizona changes tactics. "Alright_._"_ If she's not ready to talk then I won't push her. _"Can I talk about it and you listen?" she asks with a hopeful voice.

Looking at her girlfriend Callie lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding and nods her head in agreement. "Yeah, we can do that" she replies compassionately._ I can be there for you._ Making her way back over to the couch Callie glances at Arizona again realizing for the first time that they are both still in their scrubs. "Can we change first?" she asks before they reach the living room. _I can't talk about the shooting wearing the same clothes as I did when it happened. It'll be too real. _

"What?" Arizona asks confused. _Is she trying to stall and avoid this again?_

"It's just… the scrubs." She says while pointing to what they were wearing. "It makes me feel like we're back at the hospital and I don't wanna feel like that." she responds while avoiding Arizona's gaze. _It's too similar. The flashbacks are real enough without the visual reminder._

Arizona looks down at her clothes in surprise, as if she expected to be wearing something other then the blue scrubs. Looking back up at Calliope she hears the vulnerability in her girlfriend's voice as she makes this request. _This really did affect her and she needs distance from it_. Until now Arizona couldn't tell how Callie was feeling about the shooting. She had just shut down and this was the first comment that gave the blonde any insight as to what Callie was feeling. "Sure, we can change first." Arizona says gently not making a big deal out of it.

Nodding Callie slowly makes her way over to the bedroom and Arizona follows_. I just need sweat pants and tee-shirt. Something that makes me feel normal after all of this crap._ Opening her closet she begins pulling out the items but notices that Arizona is just standing in the doorway watching her. "Don't you wanna change?" Callie asks perplexed at Ari's lack of movement.

Arizona starts to enter the room until she realizes that she doesn't have clothes here anymore. _I moved out_ she thinks gloomily. _First thing I'm doing once this whole mess is over is bringing back all of my stuff and putting it back where it belongs. _At Callie's question she responds with regret in her voice. "I would, but none of my stuff is here."

Seeing the sadness in her eyes Callie's heart aches until she suddenly remembers something that brings a smile to her face. "That's not entirely accurate."

"What?" Arizona says in surprise. _I know I cleaned out all my drawers and the closet. I didn't want to have comeback for anything and face her._ Arizona watches with curiosity as Callie flashes her a smile that makes her weak in the knees.

"First you have to admit that you never do the laundry." Callie says playfully while she walks over to the dresser.

Momentarily confused Arizona quickly responds with a dimple smile, "Only when you admit that you never do the dishes." _I've missed this banter. We used to do this all the time._

Happy that Arizona remembers their silly argument Callie continues. "Seeing me do the laundry and then cramming all your clothes in with mine doesn't count." She says as she tries not laugh.

Walking over to her girlfriend Arizona smirks at her. "I always asked first."

"Saying I only have few clothes that need cleaned and then having the washer nearly explode with soap bubbles are two totally different things." Callie replies as her eyes dance with laughter remembering that day. _The look on her face was priceless!_

"That only happened once!" Arizona exclaims as she playfully hits Callie on the arm. "How was I to know that they really meant it when they said don't fill beyond this line? There's always a little wiggle room." she pouts childishly.

"Sure, sure." Callie says teasingly. _She is so cute when she pouts_.

"What about you and those dishes?" Arizona starts with amusement. "I don't think I've ever seen you once put a dish in the washer."

"What do you mean?" Callie says acting innocent. "I put them in the sink… eventually."

"Or the trashcan." Arizona responds with a chuckle enjoying the debate.

"One time, and it's only because I couldn't tell what was stuck on it!" she manages to get out before her laugher overtakes her. _I've missed being like this with her._

"You would be dishless without me," the blonde replies as joins in her girlfriend's laughter. _She's beautiful when she laughs._

Callie slowly composes herself as the laughter dies down. She looks at Arizona relishing in being with her like this again. _She can always make me laugh._ Attempting to sound serious while wearing a huge smile Callie reaches her hand into the dresser and then turns back to Arizona. "Admit that you never do the laundry." Callie says again with amusement in her eyes.

Briefly looking at the dresser Arizona returns her gaze to Callie and takes a step forward so they are only a foot apart. _Not a chance._ Arizona's eyes dance with delight as she leans in close to Callie and whispers, "Never." Callie's smile becomes even brighter at that comment.

"Then how come I have these?" Callie asks pulling out a pair of pajama pants and a tee-shirt.

Arizona watches in only mild surprise as Callie pulls out her plaid pants and Army tee-shirt. _She would have never started this if she wasn't going to win_, the blonde thinks with a smile. "I've been looking for that shirt."

Callie hands Arizona the clothes. "After you left," she says quickly not wanting to dwell on the breakup, "I emptied the dryer and somehow clothes other then mine were in there. What are the odds, right?" the Latina finishes pretending to sound surprised at this.

Sheepishly grinning like a child who got caught with their hand in the cookie jar Arizona takes the clothes. "Alight, how about this," she says jokingly, "I do the laundry as often as you wash the dishes?"

"Deal." Callie says with a smile as she walks back over to the closet. With their playful banter over and the silence returning between them Callie feels suddenly shy about changing in the same room with Arizona. _This is ridiculous. We've been intimate more times than I can count. But we've been apart for while and now things feel different. _Sighing to herself at the absurdity of being self-conscious around Arizona, Callie keeps her back to Arizona and quickly pulls off her scrubs.

Arizona watches Callie walk back across the room but she quickly turns around when Callie begins undressing. _This is stupid Arizona. You've been in this room with Callie changing and making love a million times before._ But despite that logic Arizona still feels awkward and gets dressed as quickly as possible. Turning around once finished she sees Callie also getting dressed at a rapid pace. Letting out a sigh she says, "This is silly."

"Huh?" Callie says turning around while tugging the tee-shirt over her head.

"This," Arizona says gesturing between them. "This awkwardness."

Immediately understanding what Arizona is referring to Callie simply says, "Yeah." _But I don't know how to make it go away._

"Getting undressed around each other has never been awkward for us." Arizona says with a twinkle in her eye trying to lighten the uncomfortable air that had settled around them.

Callie smiles at her attempt to lighten the mood. "I know, but things feel different now. It feels like we're starting over or just getting to know one another again." she replies with frustration in her voice._ I don't want it to be like this._

Hearing the frustration in Callie's voice Arizona knows that neither of them wants to start over. "We already know each other so we're going to skip this part." Arizona says determinately. _I'm not letting this get in the way when all I want to do is to hold you._

"Really?" Callie says disbelievingly.

"Yes." Arizona responds with conviction in her voice.

"How?" Callie asks with a quizzical expression. _It's not like we can just pick up where we left off, no matter how much I want to._

With a faint smile on her face, similar to the one she gave to Callie in Joe's bathroom before she kissed her, Arizona purposefully crosses the room in three strides and quickly whispers, "Like this," before capturing Callie's lips in a kiss.

Momentarily surprised Callie quickly responds to Arizona as the blonde backs her up against the wall never once breaking their kiss. In an instant they are lost in one another. Hands trailing over each other's bodies eager rediscover the feel of being together. Callie wraps one hand around Arizona's waist pulling her flush against Callie's body. Groaning at the delicious contact of feeling Arizona pressed against her, Callie breaks the kiss to catch her breath. Arizona takes advantage of this and quickly begins trailing kisses down Callie's neck, pausing to give special attention to the area by her right ear knowing that it drives Callie crazy. Hearing Callie's sharp intake of pleasure Arizona smiles against her neck. _I've missed kissing her senseless._

Callie feels her heartbeat accelerate as Arizona sucks on the skin below her ear_. She's going to leave a mark but I don't care._ Callie grazes her hand up Arizona's back to tangle it in her blonde hair. Finally regaining some thought Callie quickly spins them around so that Arizona is now pressed against wall while Callie returns to ravishing her mouth. She feels Arizona tremble as she sucks on her bottom lip. Arizona's arms wrap around Callie's neck holding her in place as if Callie would try to go anywhere. Loving the feeling of being close together they continuing kissing until their lungs burn for air forcing them to pulling away. Resting their foreheads against each other the only sound in the apartment is their breathing as both women try to regain their breath.

Feeling safe in Arizona's arms Callie unconsciously drops her guard and her mind wonders back to the thoughts she has been suppressing all afternoon. Suddenly her mind is filled with images of Mr. Clark and the gun and everything that happened. _Gun, bandages, Arizona trembling, blood, gunshot wound, exam room. _Callie's mind continues to be bombarded with images of the day which she can handle until the true fear finally surfaces, the fear of what could have happened. For a moment Callie sees an image of Mr. Clark pulling the trigger on her and she tightens her grip on Arizona. _Pull it together Torres._

Attempting to catch her breath after kissing Callie spur of the moment Arizona is relaxing against the Latina's body enjoy the feeling until Callie tenses and tightly clings to her. Quickly responding to the change in her girlfriend's emotions Arizona hugs her back to offer some comfort. _What is she thinking about?_ When Callie finally relaxes Arizona slowly untangles herself from the taller women but quickly grabs her hand and interlocks their fingers. Looking into Callie's eyes she says, "It's just me and you. We're together and we're safe but we have to talk about what happened… I need to talk about what happened." _I won't be able to sleep tonight if I don't and then I'll just lose my nerve and want to avoid it._

Still shaken from her terrifying thoughts Callie nods her head. "You talk, I'll listen," she says as calmly as possible remembering their earlier agreement. _I don't wanna talk about this at all. I just want to pretend it never happened but if she needs to talk, I'll listen._

Sensing Callie's reluctance to talk about the shooting Arizona is grateful that her girlfriend is willing to listen. _Maybe once I start talking she'll open up. It's not like her to shutdown completely… not with me. _Keeping their hands intertwined Arizona begins walking over to the couch. _How do I start this conversation? So much happened that I don't know where to begin._

Following Arizona out into the living room Callie tries to mentally prepare herself for this conversation. _I just have to listen. No talking and if all possible no flashbacks. Stay strong and don't fall apart_.

The living room is filled with golden sunlight as the sun slowly sets behind the Seattle skyline. Sitting down on the couch Arizona looks out the window briefly at the beautiful sunset breaking through the normally constant clouds. "A day like to today doesn't deserve a sunset like this."

Callie follows Arizona's gaze out the window before replying. "You're right. It's like Mother Nature is trying to pretend things at the hospital didn't happen… that may not be such a bad idea." Callie finishes as an afterthought.

"But they did happen." Arizona says solemnly turning her gaze back to Callie.

"I know." Callie responds slowly keeping her attention on the sunset.

Arizona studies her girlfriend as the sunlight falls on her olive her skin. _God she's beautiful._ Knowing that Callie isn't going to say anything more Arizona again tries to figure out how to start the conversation that is looming ahead of them_. Do I just jump right in or ease our way into this?_ Caught between indecision all that comes out is, "So…" Mentally slapping herself on the forehead Arizona sees Callie turn away from the sunset and back to her.

"Yep, so…" Callie responds with a faint smile.

"I don't what to say." Arizona admits. "There's so much going through my head that I don't know where to start."

"Start anywhere. Beginning, middle, end and we'll go from there." Callie tells her.

The blonde pauses for a moment before responding. "I'm supposed to be a good man in a storm." Arizona says quietly, almost as if talking to herself, "and protect the things I love."

"You do." Callie confirms.

"No I don't." Arizona says quickly with a hint of anger as she looks down at the floor._ I freaked out and panicked._ "I'm supposed to but didn't. I just… froze." Unsure of how to respond Callie waits for Arizona to continue. "My dad will be disappointed… so will yours." she finishes while refusing to meet Callie's eyes.

Surprised at what her girlfriend is saying Callie swiftly responds. _Why is she being so hard in herself?_ "Your dad will not be disappointed. You're alive and safe and that's all he'll care about and my dad…" _Wait, what does my dad have to do with anything?_ "Why does is matter what my dad thinks?" Callie asks.

Arizona takes her eyes off the floor and looks out the window instead of at Callie as she answers. "I told him I protect the things I love. I love you but I didn't protect you." Arizona says clearly upset with herself.

"First of all my dad will only care about the fact that we're both safe." Callie says forcefully wanting Arizona to know that there was no questioning that fact but curiosity gets the better of Callie and she asks her girlfriend, "When did you tell him this?"

Despite being upset with herself Arizona can't help but feel a little embarrassed as she answers. _I forgot that she didn't know about this. I'm surprised her dad didn't tell her_. "The last time he was here." Knowing that Callie was waiting for a better answer Arizona rushes to get the rest out so that her embarrassment is short lived. "When I found you crying in the on call room after you had tried to talking to him and the priest I went to find him. I knew that things were getting worse between you two and wanted to help. So I found him and gave him this speech about how my dad reacted to me being gay and that I was good man in a storm and I protect the things I love and that I love you." _That was the most uncomfortable conversation ever seeing as how he said nothing, but at least I didn't cry._ Still looking out the window Arizona continues with disappointment in her voice, "I gave him this great speech about protecting you and then when the storm comes I didn't do a thing to save you."

Callie can only listen in awe as Arizona tells her about the conversation_. She hates confronting authority figures. I can't believe she did that for me._ Suddenly another thought comes to mind, "That was before your birthday?" Callie asks even though she knows the answer.

Caught off guard by that question Arizona almost turns to face Callie but she doesn't want to see the disappointment on her face. _I failed you._ "Yeah, it was before my birthday."

Callie's lips quickly form into smile that Arizona would see if she would look at her girlfriend. _She fought for me before we said I love you._ Happiness quickly floods Callie but not wanting to speak until Arizona looks at her Callie moves her hand to Arizona cheek slowly turning the blondes head. "Hey, look at me" Callie says softly as Arizona still tries to avoid eye contact even though she turned her head at Callie's silence request. Finally making eye contact Callie continues "You stood up to my dad," she states. "You, who hates confrontation with authority figures, stood up to my dad who is about as authoritarian as you can get," she says with a smile.

Arizona looks at Callie while she speaks relieved to see that the brunette is not disappointed in her but confused as to why she is smiling. "Yes?" Arizona says genuinely confused. _Why does any of this matter and why does she look so happy?_

"You did that before your birthday." Callie says again hoping that Arizona will put the dots together but at the adorable confused expression on Arizona's face Callie continues. "You told my dad that you loved me, before you told me." she finishes.

"Oh. Well, yeah I guess I did." Arizona replies a little taken back. _I never really thought about that before. Is she ok with that?_ In rush to clear the air just in case Callie was upset about that Arizona starts quickly speaking. "I didn't mean it. Well, I mean of course I meant what I said but I didn't mean to tell him first. It's just that he wasn't hearing me and I knew how important working things out with him was to you even though you were pretending it wasn't. So I was trying to make him understand and it just sorta slipped out." She finishes in one breath.

"Thank you." Callie tells her as she leans in to give the Peds Surgeon a brief but heartfelt kiss.

Not expecting that reaction Arizona dumbly responds, "Your welcome?" as she pulls back from the kiss.

A small chuckle slips from Callie's lips. "Ari, that conversation made all the difference." _It all makes so much more sense_. "When I was leaving the hospital that night my dad was waiting for me. I had already given up but he was persistence so I let him talk." Smiling at the confused women in front of her Callie continues. "But instead of hearing him tell me that I was going to hell he just asked questions. He wanted to understand and the amazing thing was at the end he was alright with it. I finally had my dad back. You gave me that because nothing else could have made him change his mind."

"I'm glad that it helped but that doesn't change the fact that when it really mattered I wasn't there for you." Arizona responds.

"Is that what you think?" Callie asks with mild surprise.

"It's what I know. It's the truth." Taking a deep breath Arizona looks down at her hands while she speaks in a small voice. "When he came into that room with a gun… I didn't do anything. I just freaked out." _Note to self panic attacks are not fun._

"Didn't do anything? Arizona you were the first one to respond." Callie tells her as she leans closer getting Arizona to meet her eyes. "I was the one who froze. You immediately told him it was a children's floor without even pausing for a second while I just sat there." _I felt my heart stop in my chest when I saw him._

"So I told him it was kids floor and then what did I do?" she says testily not waiting for Callie to answer. "I cowered like a baby over Ruby. That's real helpful." she sarcastically. _I always thought I'd be braver in a situation like that._

"It was." Callie states at which Arizona rolls her eyes and leans back. _She is so stubborn sometimes!_ "Someone had to take care of Ruby. Your instinct was to protect a child. That's what a good man in a storm would do." Callie says with frustration.

"It's not the same thing." Arizona begins to protest_. I can barely protect a child, no wonder I did nothing when your life was on the line._ However, Callie is having none of it.

"Why not?" she interrupts sharply. "Why doesn't that count." Callie says in aggravation.

"Because she wasn't holding a gun!" Arizona yells as she finally breaks down. Callie immediately pulls back in surprise at Arizona's sudden outburst. Quickly standing up while trembling with the release of emotions she has been holding in all afternoon Arizona begins rapidly talking. "I saw you face. Pure terror. Then I saw him."

She pauses for a moment as memories from the exam room fill her mind. Pacing from the sudden adrenaline rush Arizona keeps speaking. "I saw that gun in his hand and then I just froze. My mind went blank. I couldn't do anything but sit there like an idiot muttering to myself." Arizona says with self loathing. _I couldn't protect you._

Callie remains on the couch as she watches her girlfriend pace and rant, unsure of how to help while at the same time trying to keep her emotions in check. _It won't do any good if you breakdown Torres. Keep it together and try not to think about what happened._ Despite her best attempts, Arizona's speech gets specific enough that Callie can't stop a few stray memories from coming to mind. _I never saw Ari look that helpless. I never felt that afraid. _

"But not you. You got up and just walked right over to him." Arizona says accusingly. "You spoke to him and helped him and told him to leave. I just sat there while you walked over to murderer who was still holding a loaded gun!" Arizona feels her control hanging by a thread as she stops pacing and turns to look at Callie. "What were you thinking? He could have shot you! You could have been killed! " Arizona shouts as her control snaps and the tears she has been fighting off all afternoon finally overtake her. _I could have lost you_. The sobs rack Arizona's body as she starts to crumble to the floor finally feeling all of the day's effects.

Callie just sits there with wide eyes as Arizona unleashes her feelings. _What do I do?_ Callie's surprise increases even more as Arizona yells at her before being overcome with tears. Watching her normally tough as nails girlfriend crumble before her Callie quickly moves from the couch and immediately pulls Arizona into a hug as they both drop to the floor. _Oh sweetie._ Callie eases their decent to carpet while trying helplessly to comfort Arizona. "It's ok." She whispers while hugging Arizona tightly as if the only thing holding her together was Callie's arms.

"No… it's… not." Arizona manages to get out in between tears and heaving sobs that cause her whole body to shake. "He could of… you could be dead… I could have watched you die." Feeling a new wave of tears overtake her, Arizona clings tighter to Callie making sure that she is real.

"I'm alight." Callie says as her own tears threaten to fall. _How can I help you?_ "I'm alive, I'm safe and so are you." she finishes as her voice crakes with emotion. Kissing the top of Arizona's head Callie slowly runs her hands up and down the Arizona's back trying to sooth her girlfriend.

Finally starting to calm down Arizona snuggles deeper into Callie arms. "I didn't protect you. I always thought that I would protect the person I love but I couldn't anything. I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe… I couldn't protect you, much less myself." Holding tight to Callie, Arizona finally feels her tears start to dry up. _I hate crying._

Keeping Arizona in her arms Callie pulls back and brushes blonde hair out of her girlfriends face. Looking into the tear streaked face of the most amazing person she has ever know she leans in and kisses her forehead. "You don't always have to protect me. We're in this together remember?"

Arizona relaxes into Callie's embrace as her trembling finally stops. "I know, but-"

"Ari." Callie says looking meaningfully into her girlfriend eyes, "I love you too remember? I may not have given an impressive speech," she pauses happy to see that the comment caused a faint smile, "but I protect the things I love too. And I love you more then I knew was possible. So protecting you was a natural reaction."

"Why wasn't it like that for me?" Arizona questions with frustration. "How could you be so calm and brave and risk your life for me, even after everything I had said to you?" _We had just had that stupid fight and her first reaction was still to save me._ "I love you and I wanted to help you but I couldn't." Arizona says dropping her gaze from Callie's face.

"But you did help me." _Why doesn't she get this?_ "You gave me enough time to come out of shock. You keep Ruby quiet while he was there." Seeing her girlfriend about to argue Callie quickly continues. "What do you think would have happened if Ruby freaked out? That guy was so unstable that anything would have set him off." _Don't think of that look in his eyes._ "What you did protected all of us."

"Maybe, but I wasn't standing between you and a gun." Arizona says while she pulls out Callie's arms to sit up and study her girlfriend.

Callie feels her blood run cold as Arizona says that. _Don't go there_. "I did what I had to do." she responds hoping to steer the conversation away from that topic.

"How?" Arizona asks. At Callie's confused expression Arizona elaborates. "How were you able to stay calm and deal with him?" _I always knew you were badass but that was amazing._

"Don't know. Just a gut reaction, I guess." Callie says dismissively as she stands up and offers her hand to help Arizona up as well. Arizona looks at her in mild surprise as Callie gets up suddenly gets up but she takes her hand and stands up as well. Looking at her girlfriend Callie knows that Arizona is wondering why she abruptly ended their conversation. _Change the topic fast or she's going make you talk and then you're going to fall apart and you just got her calmed down._ "So… do you want pizza now?" she asks with a smile.

Arizona knows Callie is avoiding the question but she still can't help but smile that dimple smile before answering. "Sure." _I'm not going to push_. Walking toward the kitchen Arizona sees her reflection in the wall mirror. _I look awful._ Rapidly feeling the effects of her emotional breakdown Arizona feels exhausted and grimy. _I need to clean up. I don't want any more reminders of this day._ Stopping before reaching the kitchen Arizona says, "As weird as this may sound I want to take a shower first. I just need to wash off this day_._"

"Ok." Callie responds. _This is good. I'll have some time to pull myself together._ "I'm going to clean up a bit because this place really does look like a dump." She tells her while looking around the apartment. "The pizza will be nice and toasty by the time you're finished." Callie says smiling at Arizona. _And I'll be done having an internal freak out._

"Alright." The blonde replies a little confused_. I thought she'd want to join me? Arizona, get your mind out of the gutter. It's been a long day and she's probably not in the mood._ Still puzzled by Callie's behavior Arizona makes her way over to the bathroom leaving Callie in the kitchen.

**I know it's an abrupt ending but that's because the chapter got so long that I broke it in half. Please review and let me know what you think. I promise I wont take as long to post the final chapter. Thanks to all who have reviewed!**


	4. The Aftermath Callie

**So I have given up on predicting how many chapters are left in this story. I just keep getting ideas and they demand to be written. Hopefully, you're enjoying reading it as much as I am enjoying writing. Please review and let me know what you think.**

**The Aftermath - Callie**

Callie watches Arizona walk away until she disappears into the bedroom. Breathing a sigh of relief Callie drops her façade and tries to pull herself together. Busying herself with cleaning she finally allows her brain to process everything that was just said and all the emotions and memories it released.

Taking a deep breath she picks up some trash from the kitchen counter and attempts to calm down but a faint tremble is noticeable in her hands. _Just keep it together Torres. Everything is fine now._ However, her hands continue to shake and in pure frustration she throws the garbage she was holding across the room. "Stop freaking out!" she yells at herself while feeling her heartbeat increase from all the emotions she is trying to control. Sucking in a deep unsteady breath Callie again tries to get a hold of herself. _This isn't working._

Glancing back over to the bedroom door where Arizona had disappeared, Callie makes sure that she has not come back out at her earlier outburst. Thankfully the doorframe remains empty. _She takes long showers. I should have at least 20 minutes. Maybe a small freak out would help._ Looking around the now dimly lit apartment Callie walks over to the window and sees the glow of the city lights. The sunset has long since passed and night is falling on Seattle. _A few more hours and this day will be no more._ Sitting down on the couch facing the window, Callie pulls her feet up onto the seat and wraps her arms around her legs forming a ball like position. Staring out at the city her eyes begin to fill with unshed tears. She attempts to stop them from falling but that only results in her trembling from the effort.

In the silence of the apartment she is left with nothing but her own terrifying thoughts. _When he walked in that room I felt my heart stop. There's not supposed to be shooter loose in the hospital. I couldn't even process what was happening until Ari spoke. Then I had to do something._ Pulling her arms tighter around her legs in hopes of stopping the trembling Callie relives the memory while a few stray tears silently slide down her cheek_. I had to get him to leave. It's like time slowed down and sped up all at once. I just knew that I needed to be between his gun and Ari. How did I even form a sentence to talk to him? My heart was racing so fast and I could barely stand from the fear. I was afraid to breathe and I didn't know where to look. My eyes were drawn to the gun but I made sure to look at his face._

Callie's heart begins furiously racing just like it did when she was in that exam room. _Ari was trembling in fear. I could hear her every word and breath and it scared me. I couldn't go to her; I couldn't even look at her. I had to be strong. But when I told him to leave…_ Callie can't stop the violent shudder that overtakes her body. She squeezes her eyes shut in the hopes of banishing the thought but this has the opposite effect because once her eyes close all she sees is the face of Mr. Clark. _I knew he was going to kill me. When I looked up into his eyes there was nothing human about him. I was going to die and there was nothing I could do to stop it._ Seeing his cold eyes again and reliving that moment finally causes Callie to break as heaving sobs over take the Latina's body and she tries in vain to make them stop. That effort only causes her trembling to turn into shaking and her already accelerated heart beat begins pounding loudly in her ears.

Curled up on the couch illuminated by the glow of the city, Callie's imagination runs wild as she has visions of scenarios that could have happened. She sees herself getting shot and watching Mr. Clark pull the trigger. _He could have shot Ari through the chest without a second thought._ Before she can stop it Callie sees Ari getting shot as if it really happened. The surprise on the perky blonde's face as the bullet goes through her and then the blood that begins to rapidly flow from the wound in her chest. At that thought a strangled cry rips itself from Callie's throat as she clings tighter to herself falling deeper into her own nightmares. It's in this pure state of terror and emotional surrender that Arizona finds her.

Walking through the bedroom to the bathroom Arizona is still confused by Callie's behavior. _I thought she'd want us to comfort one another after that talk_. Arizona enters the bathroom and groans when she sees her reflection up close in the mirror. "Well don't I look awesome." she says sarcastically to herself with an eye roll.

Turning on the faucet she splashes cold water on her face, washing away the tear streaks. Drying her face with the hand towel she looks back into the mirror pleased to see that she resembles a human again. "A human with terrible hair but it's a start." Turning away from the sink she begins gathering things for her shower. _Maybe Calliope thought I meant sex with shower comment? Not that I'm opposed to that but I just want to be close to her again._ Sighing she pulls open the shower door making sure that there's shampoo and soap. Slightly closing it Arizona turns to grab a towel only to discover that none are on the rack. _Of course not._ Opening the doors under the sink she again finds no towels. _Calliope must be doing the laundry_ she thinks with a grin.

Walking back out into the bedroom Arizona stops to take in the sight of everything she had been missing. Calliope's unmade bed with the blue sheets thrown hastily onto one side of the queen bed. Moving her gaze to the night stand she sees the alarm clock skewed on top of it. _She always beats the crap out of that thing in the morning. _Looking across the room Arizona sees that night has fallen onto the city creating a beautiful warm glow of light from the street lamps. _I remember curling up in bed with her and just staring out the window at those lights._ Smiling at the memory and the joy of being back together with her amazing girlfriend Arizona makes her way back out to the living room. _Maybe I can get her to join me this time. After everything I just want to hold her and know we're alright._

Stepping into the dimly lit room Arizona's eyes go to the kitchen expecting to find Callie cleaning. Instead she hears a heart wrenching sob come from the other side of the apartment. Quickly turning her head in that direction, Arizona's heart breaks as she sees her beautiful girlfriend curled up on the couch shaking and crying uncontrollably.

Racing over to the couch Arizona immediately wraps her arms around Callie and pulls her close. "Calliope what's wrong?" she asks with panic in her voice. _What brought this on? She was fine a few minutes ago._

Feeling Arizona pull her close only causes Callie's crying to intensify. _I don't want her to see me like this._ In futile attempt she tries to stop the onslaught of images that are racing through her mind but once the floodgates opened she can't control them anymore. _Stop thinking! Stop seeing her die. It didn't happen!_ Trying desperately to get a handle on her emotions Callie pulls away from Arizona's embrace; a reaction that the blonde was not expecting.

Surprise is written across Arizona's features as she feels Callie pull away from her. "Calliope?" she asks softly while still loosely holding her crying girlfriend.

Not even acknowledging Arizona, Callie begins taking deep shaky breaths_. Just breathe. Calm down. You're fine. Stop being a baby!_ Callie puts more distance between her and Arizona completely breaking their embrace while she quickly wipes away the tears on her cheeks. _If she touches me I'll fall to pieces again and I need to be strong._ Looking anywhere but at her girlfriend Callie concentrates on slowing her heart down and stopping the stray tears that keep rolling down her face.

"Calliope, please talk to me." Arizona all but begs in a pleading voice. _Why won't she let me hold her? _

Uncurling from her ball position Callie places her feet on the floor and grips the couch tightly with both hands. _Be strong. She wasn't supposed to see me like this_. Taking another shaky breath she finally turns to Arizona. "Nothing." _You really think she's really going to believe that Torres? _Arizona just stares back at her waiting for a real explanation.

"I just needed… a good cry, you know? Just to decompress." Callie says in choppy sentences trying to catch her breath from the heavy crying.

Arizona sits there in disbelief. Looking at Callie's blood shot eyes and white knuckles that are gripping the couch it doesn't take a genius to figure out that's not the reason. "I'm supposed to believe that?" Arizona asks with her eyebrow rising. _She wont talk to me, she wont open up and now she's lying to me? I know I said I wouldn't push but I'm out of options._ "Don't lie to me." Arizona says firmly.

"I'm not lying. It was a tough day." _Understatement of the year._ "I needed to decompress." Callie responds in a staccato voice, avoiding eye contact. _That's it. Just buy some time to get a hold of yourself._

"You're not lying? You just needed a good cry?" the blonde repeats clearly not believing a word she's saying. _This is so frustrating! Why wont you talk to me?_ "If that's the case then why are you shaking?" Arizona says accusatorily as she reaches for Callie's trembling hand.

Seeing Arizona move to touch her Callie quickly pulls away_. She can't touch me. I'm barely keeping it together. Stupid shaking, just calm down. _

"And why won't you let me touch you?" The hurt is obvious in her voice. "Are you mad at me? Did I do something?" Arizona asks hopelessly. _I can't figure you out._

Callie is quick to respond hating the thought of hurting Arizona in anyway. "What? No, that's not it. I'm sorry." Looking back over at Arizona Callie takes another deep breath to try and stop her body from trembling "I just need some space." Dropping her head Callie briefly closes her eyes. _Mistake!_ She snaps them open again to remove the image of Mr. Clark's cold gaze but her heart rate has already accelerated again.

Unaware of the internal struggle Callie is going through Arizona sits frozen at the words "need some space." _Nothing good ever comes from that statement._ Turning away from Callie her heart plummets into her stomach. She looks out the window before she speaks in a broken tone, afraid of what Callie will say back. "You need some space… As in, you need space from me?" _This is can't be happening. We just got back together._ Bracing herself for the answer she's dreading Arizona squeezes her eyes shut not seeing Callie's head quickly snap up to look at her.

Still trying to banish any thoughts of the exam room from her mind Callie momentarily forgets her fears at Arizona's words. "What?" the brunette says with a gasp as her eyes widen in surprise. Looking at Arizona she sees her tense posture as if bracing for bad news. _She thinks I want space from her? We finally just got back together._ Wanting to assure her girlfriend but knowing that she's not calm enough to hug her without falling apart Callie moves slightly closer and gently speaks, "Ari, that is not what I meant at all. Well, not in the sense you're thinking of." Seeing Arizona open her eyes but remain tensed up Callie continues. "I meant I need space literally," she says while gesturing to the foot of distance separating the two women on the couch.

Daring to look Callie in the eyes Arizona sees the truth of her statement and lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding. _Stupid. When are you going to stop doubting her feeling for you?_ "Oh." she responds unable to think of anything else. Looking carefully at her girlfriend Arizona sees how hard Callie is trying to keep her self from falling apart. _But why is that? _"Why do you need physical space from me?" she asks genuinely confused.

Callie pauses for a moment before answering. _Just tell her the truth. Lying isn't going to make things better._ Tightening her grip on the couch cushion Callie replies, "Because if you… if you touch me I'm going to fall apart." _I need to be strong._

"Why is the bad thing?" Arizona asks. Not expecting that question Callie tries to figure out how to respond. Her mouth opens and closes but no words come out as she is unable to verbalize why she needs to stay strong. Watching Callie struggle for an answer Arizona moves closer and rests her hand on Callie's which still has a death grip on the couch. "It's ok." She whispers softly releasing Callie's hold on the couch and interlacing their fingers. "You can talk to me."

Looking down at their hands Callie feels her resolve to start crumble. "I know I can." she responds quietly. _Maybe talking to her will help?_ Slowly unclenching her other hand Callie looks at Arizona. _But I need to be strong for you._

Sitting there in the stillness of the dimly lit apartment Arizona feels like she is getting closer to having Callie tell her what's wrong. _She never does make it easy._ "Please, tell me what has you so upset?" she asks moving closer until their arms are touching.

Feeling Arizona against her, Callie's hold on her emotions immediately begins to falter as her eyes fill with tears_. If I talk I'm going to break. But she wants to know what's wrong._ "It's just, everything from the hospital." Callie mutters as Arizona moves even closer and gently squeezes her hand as she feels it tremble slightly_. I can't do this. It's too much. _

Attempting to pull away Arizona tightens her grip. "Please talk to me." she pleads. _Don't shut me out._

Not wanting to hurt Arizona's feelings again by breaking their embrace Callie squeezes her eyes shut to try and get control. _"Take them. Take them… and go." Mr. Clark's cold eyes snapped up at her with no trace of humanity in them_. Callie's eyes instantly open as a violent shudder goes through her body_. I can't do this._ Quickly pulling away from Arizona, Callie tries to stands up but Arizona keeps a hold of her hand not letting her leave the couch. _Deep breaths. Just don't think about it. _

"Calliope." Arizona says forcefully. _I don't want to push but it's the only way._

"I can't" she forces out in a broken voice shaking from the unwanted memory.

Callie again tries to get distance from Arizona but the blonde wont let her run away. "Just talk to me."

Unable to get away from her emotions with Arizona forcing her to face them Callie finally breaks. "What do you want me to say Arizona!" she yells finally succeeding in removing her hand from Arizona's. "That I thought I was going to die today! That every time I close my eyes I see him and I'm right back in the exam room!" She exclaims, finally admitting her fears as her voice breaks and tears begin rapidly falling.

Turning to look at Arizona she continues with narrowing eyes, "Do you want to hear about how my heart stopped in my chest when I though he was going to shoot me?" _I was terrified._ Callie's control breaks further as her tears come faster and her breathing gets uneven. "Do you… do you want to know that just mention of that… exam room causes me to have flashbacks and relive those moments?" she says fiercely as sobs start to overwhelm her.

Arizona swallows a lump in her throat and feels her heart break as she watches Callie finally cope with what happened. _Why didn't you tell me? _Wanting to comfort her Arizona reaches out for Callie but the she pulls back determined to say everything on her mind.

Struggling to form sentences through her tears Callie forces herself to keep going. "Do you…" she pauses to suck in a breath, "want to know that…when I close my eyes…" another shudder goes through her, "I see you die and…" but she can't continue. The image of Arizona covered in her own blood forces the breath from Callie's lungs as her cries overtake her.

Unable to stop herself Arizona pulls Callie into hug and thankfully for once the brunette doesn't fight her but instead clings to her wanting to feel Arizona alive and safe. Callie's body shudders against hers while Arizona runs her hands up and down her girlfriend's back and gently kisses her head. "It's ok." She whispers into her hair as she feels Callie's tears soak through her shirt. _I had no idea it was this bad for you._

Finally voicing her fears Callie has no desire to pull away from Arizona and instead she lets Arizona hold her while she falls to pieces. Burying her head in Arizona's shoulder she falls deeper into her embrace. Holding her tightly to make sure that she is real and none of her nightmares are true. Vaguely aware of Arizona speaking to her Callie finally starts to feel her body calm down as the trembling begins to lessen. Her heart is still racing but it doesn't pound loudly in her ears anymore. Staying in Arizona arms Callie lifts her head to look at her girlfriend. Stray tears still roll down her cheeks but looking into the concerned eyes of Arizona she knows the worst has passed. "Thank you." Callie says in a horse voice.

Breathing a sigh of relief that Callie isn't mad at her for pressing the issue Arizona gently moves some hair out of Callie's eyes and uses her thumb to brush away the tears. "That's what I'm here for," she responds softly. "Do you feel any better?"

"Not right this second but I will." Callie says taking in a few deep breaths to calm down. _I guess I did need to talk about._ "I didn't mean to yell at you" she tells Arizona.

"I know. You just needed to get it out." she replies placing another kiss on Callie's forehead. _She went through so much more than I thought_. Arizona continues to hold Callie and gently rocks them back and forth until the tears finally stop.

Content on just being together the two women say nothing as they take comfort in each other's presence. Arizona places another kiss in Callie's hair. _She's so much stronger then I ever knew. I just wish I didn't have to force that out her._ Opening her mouth to ask a question she quickly closes it again. _Now is not the time. Just leave it alone. _

"Just ask." Callie says softly breaking the silence but not moving from the comfort of Arizona's arms.

"Ask what?" Arizona responds. _How does she know I want to ask her something? She can't even see my face._

"Whatever it is that has you doing an impersonation of a goldfish." she replies with a smile in her voice. Still not willing to move from the safety of Arizona's arms Callie continues knowing that her girlfriend is wearing that adorably confused expression. "I can feel your chin moving. It's ok, just ask me." Callie reassures her.

Smiling at how well Callie knows her Arizona snuggles deeper into her before she speaks. "I don't want to over talk this but so much happened today. I guess I just want to clear the air all at once and then not have to dwell on it_." I just want to put this behind us._

Sitting up to look her girlfriend in the eyes Callie smiles briefly, "Was there a question in there?" _She needs closure and so do I._

A small chuckle escapes Arizona's lips as she looks at the beautiful woman in front of her. Her eyes are still slightly bloodshot and she looks exhausted but there's that twinkle in her eyes that makes Arizona's heart flutter. _What did I do to deserve her?_ "I guess not." Arizona says sheepishly looking down at their intertwined hands. Breathing out a sigh she says, "I just don't want to ask the wrong question and open up Pandora's Box again. I think we've both fulfilled our crying quoting for the year."

Smiling as Arizona looks back up her Callie tilts her head. "Just for the year? Damn, I was sure that I got credited for the next two years easy."

"Calliope," Arizona says with laughter.

"I'm just saying that like two gallons of tears should at least carry me through more then one year's quota." Enjoying making Arizona laugh and being silly again Callie grins as she continues. "And the shaking has to add another year so I think we're good for three years." She finishes with a chuckle. _God it feels good to joke around again_.

"Alright I stand corrected." she replies with her dimples in full swing. "We're set for the next three years. No crying for us."

"So I guess that means that you aren't allowed to watch The Notebook until 2013?" Callie replies teasingly.

Playfully swatting her girlfriend's arm Arizona laughs, "That kind of crying doesn't count."

"Alright, we'll keep the movie crying." Slowly letting the playfulness slide away Callie tucks some of Arizona's hair behind her ear and lets her hand graze the blonde's cheek. "It's just me and you, there are no wrong questions. What do you want to know?"

Taking a moment to look at Callie and see the compassion in her eyes Arizona asks the question that has been bugging her since they reached the apartment. "Why didn't you want to talk me about it? You just bottled everything up and wouldn't let me help you. Don't you know that you can trust me with whatever you go through?" She can't help the slight hurt in her voice. _Don't you know you can trust me with anything?_

Keeping her tone gentle Callie responds. "Of course I know that. But that's not what it was about it." Letting out a sigh she glances out the window at the city lights. "I needed to be strong for you." she says determinedly.

"But you were. You saved us, when he came into the…" Arizona lets the statement hang unfinished. _I don't want to bring up the exam room and upset her again._

Knowing what Arizona was about to say Callie turns away from the window and back to Arizona. "I know but…" Pausing to figure out how to word everything she's thinking it ends up coming out in a rush. "Look, when he there and we were in danger it was instinct alright. I don't know how I managed to do any of it. I barely remember what I said to him but I remember everything else. How I felt, what I saw and what I heard." She drops her gaze from Arizona's face as she continues. "I couldn't look at you. I knew I would lose it. But I heard everything. You were so scared Ari." Her voice breaks as she continues. "I had to be strong because you needed me to."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to put that pressure on you." Arizona says softly. "I should have done more and –" but Callie places a finger on her lips to silence her.

"I'm not blaming you. We covered this already remember?" she says with a half smile. "I know you're strong, you're a good man in a storm." Removing her finger once she was sure Arizona would let her continue Callie sits up straighter and takes a deep breath. "But try to understand. You've always been the strong one in our relationship." Callie says seriously.

Arizona's eyes widen with surprise. "What?"

Rubbing her hands on her thighs in a nervous gesture Callie quickly begins listing off examples. "It's true. You kissed me remember. You consoled me when George died. You comforted me when my family disowned me and then you stood up to my dad to fix it."

Taken aback at this turn of events Arizona quickly cuts in. "You're strong for me too. When Wallace died you were there for me."

Shaking her head with a humorless laugh Callie interjects. "I threw you a surprise party and made you run out of the apartment crying." _Not my finest moment._

_Alright fair point but you were still there for me._ Trying to make Callie understand Arizona continues, "But you made up for it that night. When I came home you were waiting for me and–" Callie again cuts in with a pointed look.

"And you said I love you." _Not me. You were the one to say it first._ "You've always been the strong one and I love that about you but Ari…" Callie says with pleading eyes hoping to make Arizona understand. "This was my turn. I needed to be strong for you not the other way around. I didn't want you to take care of me. I wanted you to know that I can be there for you too." _To show that you can trust me _she thinks to herself remembering Arizona's accusations from the hospital_. "I don't trust you, why would I?" _Pushing away the thought Callie looks down at the carpet. Very quietly, so that Arizona has to strain to hear it, Callie says dejectedly, "I wanted to prove that you could trust me."

**I know it's kind of a cliff hanger but I really felt that these two needed to talk about that fight. If you're really nice and tell me what you think of the story I think my muse will inspire some fluff in the next chapter. **** Which I really do think will be the final one but who knows. Thanks for reading!**


	5. Clearing the Air

**I know it's been way too long since I updated and I have no good excuse so I wont even try. I apologize for the delay but hopefully the chapter is worth the wait. My muse seems to be on vacation in a far off distance land I didn't want to force the story without her. Without further ado please enjoy the chapter. **

"I wanted to prove that you could trust me." Callie says dejectedly as she looks at the rug.

Until now, Arizona had been struggling to figure out where all of this was coming from but at that statement she feels her stomach drop. _That stupid fight at the hospital!_ Looking at crestfallen woman in front of her Arizona mentally berates herself_. How could I have said that to her? I know that I had been thinking about it but I didn't have to be so harsh. How do I begin to fix this? _Franticly trying to think of a way to comfort Callie, Arizona runs her hand down Callie's arm getting the Latina to look at her. "Calliope…" she says remorsefully.

"It's ok. I get it. I mean, you made a fair point." Breaking eye contact she continues. "When I stopped to think about it, I couldn't really blame you. It's like I said. You were always the strong one. You always took the first steps in our relationship." _I shouldn't be surprised you don't trust me._

Seeing how deep her words had cut Arizona curses to herself. "You idiot."

"What?" Callie says looking up.

Not realizing she had spoken her thought out loud Arizona hurriedly responds. "Not you, me." She gestures to herself as she leans forward and drops her head into her hands. _This is what I get for bottling everything up. I just preached to Calliope about not doing that and yet here I am._ "I'm the idiot because I should have never said that to you. It wasn't fair." she mumbles looking at the floor.

Leaning back into the couch cushion Callie deadpans, "It's fair, if that's how I made you feel."

Lifting her head, Arizona sees the hurt in Callie's eyes. _Time to tell the truth._ Taking a deep breath she sits up quickly and runs her fingers through her hair. Turning to face Callie she begins. "You didn't make me feel that way but, I did feel that way."

"Huh?" the brunette asks.

Closing her eye out how ridiculous that sounded she tries again. "What I said to you about trust and proving that you loved me… that wasn't because of something you did." _It's because I have trust issues._

Sitting up slightly Callie doubtfully looks at her girlfriend. "Really?" she says sarcastically. _Now she's just trying to make me feel better._ "Because it sure sounded like it was because of me when you very quickly listed off all of my failed relationships." she states unable to keep a hint of anger out of her voice. _I know she has a point but still_.

Arizona's shoulders drop knowing the dark haired women is right. After a long pause she finally speaks. "You're right. I did make it sound that way but it wasn't the truth… well not the whole truth." _This is really about my past._

Although Callie is unconvinced she is intrigued by Arizona's statement and allows her to continue without protest. "Alright, then what is the whole truth?"

Looking around the room as if the words she's trying to say will magically be written down somewhere Arizona stutters. "Well, the truth is… I mean the reason for…It's just that… argh!" she finishes in frustration. _Why is this so difficult? _

Callie knows this is an important conversation but she can't help but laugh at how cute Arizona looks when she's frustrated. "You wanna try that again?" she asks with a smile.

Looking at Callie, Arizona feels her frustration melt away at the full fledged smile her girlfriend is giving her. Briefly laughing at herself she nods. Pausing for a moment to collect her thoughts, Callie shifts on the couch so that she is completely facing her. "I know all about your past relationships right?" Arizona asks.

"Yeah" Callie responds not expecting the question.

"Did you ever wonder why you don't know anything about mine?" she asks almost unsure of herself.

Callie looks back at Arizona with a mixture of confusion and surprise. "Well, I guess I never really thought about it." _But she's right. I really don't know anything about her history._ Not wanting to push Arizona but now incredibly curious she gently asks, "Would you like to tell me about them?"

Hearing the genuine curiosity in her voice Arizona knows this isn't about just who she dated before. This is about Calliope just wanting to get to know to her better. "Well I've obviously been in relationships before." _Oh good start Arizona. Let's just state the obvious all night._ Trying to quite her mocking internal voice she continues. "Most were casual but a few were serious, you know?" Callie nods her head encouraging Arizona to continue. "Well, two were really serious." _And they both broke my heart_. Momentarily losing herself in memories she sees Callie patiently waiting for her to continue.

"Umm…" Arizona trails off as she struggles to think of the words to say_. I don't want to go into details but I need to tell her enough so she understands where I'm coming from_. Finally feeling as though she has an idea of what to say she begins again. "I met Laura in college. She was pre-med like me and so we became study partners. We hung out a lot and then one night in her dorm room she kissed me. After that we were together all the time and it was wonderful." Arizona gauges Callie's expression and is relieved to see that Callie is calmly but attentively listening. "We dated through out all of college and I thought we were in love but then came medical school." Arizona says unable to keep the bitterness out of her voice.

Callie supportively listens to every word not wanting to interrupt Arizona. _I can't believe I never asked her about this before._ Hearing the pain in Arizona voice as she recaps the events, Callie guesses what happened next. "She broke up with you after graduation?" she asks cautiously.

An empty laugh escapes Arizona as she glances out the window. "I wish. That would have been better." Bringing her attention back to Callie she continues with her story. "We went to different med schools but stayed together and did the long distance relationship. I knew it would be hard but we loved each other so what could a few hundred miles do?" The hurt was evident in her voice as she mutters to herself, "I was naïve and stupid."

Callie places her hand on Arizona knee in a comforting gesture. "What happened?"

"I had just finished the first semester and I was flying out to see her. We hadn't seen each other in months so I decided to surprise her and I booked an early flight." Her face falls slightly as she relieves the memory. "When I got to her apartment and there was a party going on so I was able to walk right in. I didn't want to look for her with all of my bags so I went to her room to drop them off." Pausing slightly Arizona's voice loses all emotion as she continues. "I found her very heavily making out with some girl on her bed. When she saw me she at least had the decency to look guilty_." I'll never get that image out of my head. _

"Ari, I'm sorry." Callie whispers. _I want to strangle that stupid girl for hurting you._

Seeing Callie upset for her makes Arizona briefly smile before she continues. "I turned around and left but she followed me. She told me she was sorry and that she was going to tell me tomorrow when I arrived. I asked her why? I thought we were in love?" Arizona pauses as she repeats the words she wishes she could forget. "That's when Laura told me, 'Zona, we were in love and it was fun but it wasn't the forever kind of love. I mean you're great but be reasonable, people fall in and out of love all the time.' That's the last time we spoke." She finishes waiting for Callie's reaction.

Callie feels rage pass through her as she listens to Arizona describe how this girl just dismissed her without a second thought. _How could she break Ari's heart so carelessly?_ _And what is with that stupid nickname of Zona?_ Seeing Arizona waiting for response Callie says the first thing that comes to mind. "Do you want me to kick her ass?" she asks.

Arizona looks at her in surprise before she bursts out laughing. _This is why I love her. _"Calliope." She says trying to sounding to scolding but the laughter is still evident in her voice.

Relieved that Arizona is laughing but partially serious about inflicting bodily harm she continues. "I won't do any permanent damage and if I break one of her bones I'll set it myself. Free of charge."

Still smiling Arizona is touched at what Callie is saying. "Calliope, it's fine. It was long time ago."

"I know but I don't like the thought of anyone hurting you. Especially since I know how awesome you are." She says with a twinkle in her eye. "I mean great?" Callie quotes with displeasure remembering the word Laura used when she broke Arizona's heart. "Great doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of describing you. You're amazing and fantastic and wonderful and incredible and-"

"Ok, I get it." Arizona interrupts with a smile as a blush overtakes her cheeks_. She's the only one who can make me blush like this._ "I'm awesome."

"Yeah, you are." Callie states matter-of-factly while looking into Arizona's eyes. "So, I guess this is why you don't believe in long distance relationships?"

"Pretty much. It just shocked me I suppose. I thought everything was fine and that love was enough but…" Arizona trails off hoping that Callie understands what she's trying to say_. I want to trust in love but sometimes love isn't enough._

Finishing Arizona's sentence Callie says, "But it wasn't." Leaning closer to look right into Arizona's eyes Callie's voice takes on a quiet intensity as she speaks. "Love is enough for us. Me and you," she says gesturing between them, "This is the forever kind of love. And I know you're worried that I'm like Laura with the–"

"You're nothing like her." Arizona quickly interjects hating to have Calliope compare herself to Laura. "I know you'd never cheat on me." She says firmly.

Callie smiles at the interruption. "Well of course I wouldn't. My girlfriend is a sex goddess." she says breaking the tension and bringing a smile to Arizona's face. "But I figured you already knew that."

The sudden change of topic causes Arizona to get lost in lustful thoughts of the two of them. Seeing Callie waiting for a response she dazedly says., "That you think I'm a sex goddess?"

Callie can't help but laugh. "Well, maybe not that part but, just for the record you are. I meant that I figured you knew I would never cheat on you."

"I do know that." She replies confidently. _I've never doubted that._

"Good. So that's not what I was referring to when I said you're worried I'm like Laura." Callie watches as Arizona's attempts to figure out what she's talking about. _I hope I'm right about this._ Taking a breath and keeping her eyes on her girlfriend she says, "Laura was in love with being in love, right? And you're worried I'm the same."

Arizona's first reaction is to deny any similarities between Calliope and Laura but as she opens her mouth to protest she sees the determined look on Callie's face. Pausing Arizona says nothing and slowly closes her mouth as she ponders the statement_. Is she right? Of course she is Arizona you flat out told her that you thought she was in love with love and not you. But that's not true. She's nothing like Laura or Rebecca or anyone else I've dated. She challenges me and supports me and she never gives up on us. Why couldn't I see that before? Why did it take her risking her life for me to get it? _Re-focusing her attention Arizona sees Calliope anxiously watching her and waiting for a response.

Callie never takes her eyes off Arizona as she waits with baited breath while Arizona contemplates what was just said. _I either hit the nail on the head or I pissed her off. I really hope it's the first one. Please just say something._

Unsure of what to say but wanting to ease the anxiety in Callie, Arizona struggles to think of an appropriate response. Reaching out to cup Callie's cheek Arizona gently runs her thumb along the cheekbone before dropping her hand and sighing. "I guess when you put it that way, you're right." she says reluctantly_. I did think that but I never should have._

Callie stays frozen in place not sure of how to react_. _Arizona's touch made her hope but her words caused doubt._ Does she believe I love her or not?_ Desperate to know the answer she forlornly asks, "Does that mean you think I'm in love with being in love?"

Knowing it hurt Callie to even ask that question Arizona leans in and gently kisses her lips lingering for a moment before pulling back and answering softly, "No. It means that I did think that but I don't anymore." _I swear I'm going to stop doubting how you feel about me._

Breathing a sigh of relief Callie looks Arizona squarely in the eye and asks, "Why?" _I know this is me just being insecure but I have to know what changed her mind_. "Why don't you think that anymore?" Arizona sits up straighter at the question. "Don't get me wrong I'm happy you believe me but I need to know why now?"

"Oh, well…" Arizona stutters at the unexpected question. _Of course she wants to know why. It looks like I changed my mind all of sudden. How do I begin to explain this?_ "I'm not sure how to phrase it. It was just you being you."

Dropping her eyes Callie responds somberly, "I was always me just being me and that didn't seem to be enough."

Arizona's face falls at those words. "You were always enough for me." She replies resolutely looking at Callie.

Without even blinking Callie looks back at her and grimly says "The evidence would suggest otherwise." Breaking their eye contact she turns towards the window and rests her elbows on her knees as she leans forward. "I don't want to fight or open up old wounds but Arizona…" she trails off pausing to contemplate if she wants to say this aloud. _I have to._ Taking a breath and focusing her gaze strait ahead on the window she continues in a broken tone, "When you said that you didn't believe I'm in love with you, it hurt. I mean, really hurt because I had no idea that you doubted me. I thought that you knew I loved you… I thought I made that obvious." Still refusing to look at over at the blonde Callie feels the couch shift indicting that Arizona was getting up. _Wonderful, I open my big mouth and upset both of us_. Thinking that Arizona was walking away, Callie closes her eyes in disappointment as she drops her head muttering, "I guess I was the naïve one."

Arizona feels terrible as she listens to Callie. Seeing the love of her life unwilling to look at her and hearing the hurt in her voice makes Arizona furious with herself. _What did I do?_ Unable to just sit there any longer she stands up to move into Callie's line of sight but pauses when Callie stops talking. Not thinking that Callie would misunderstand her movement as leaving, Arizona is surprised when the brunette drops her head in defeat and mutters, "I guess I was the naïve one."

At those words something inside Arizona snaps. _I will not be responsible for breaking her heart again!_ Immediately dropping to her knees in front of Callie she fiercely whispers, "No, you weren't" before pulling Callie into a searing kiss.

Callie's whole body goes still in complete shock, as Arizona unexpectedly kisses her with an intense passion. _I thought she was leaving?_ Trying to wrap her mind around this surprising turn of events Callie sits there frozen in surprise. _A moment ago I think she's upset and now she kissing me. _

Unwilling to pull away at Callie's lack of movement Arizona swiftly wraps her arms around the brunette's waist and pulls Callie to the edge of the couch bringing their bodies flush against one another. Beginning to panic at Calliope's lack of response, Arizona traces her tongue along Callie's bottom lip desperately begging for entry. _Please forgive me_.

Feeling the desperation in Arizona's kiss as the blonde holds her tighter; Callie's brain finally catches up. She immediately tangles her hand in Arizona's hair and wraps the other around her waist pressing their bodies firmly together. Opening her mouth Callie's tongue searches for Arizona's feeling a jolt of electricity when they meet. Battling for control Callie lets out a groan as she feels Arizona arch against her bringing their cores in contact and causing heat to pool between her legs.

Arizona's kisses only further intensify when she feels Callie respond. Desperate to show Callie how she feels and erase any pain she arches into her eliciting a groan from the taller women. Sucking on Callie's tongue Arizona runs her hands along Callie's body wanting to touch her everywhere. _It's been so long_. Breaking the kiss Arizona trails kisses down Callie's throat pausing to gently suck on the skin above the swell of her breasts.

Callie's breath catches in her throat as she feels Arizona's kisses go lower and lower down her neck. Closing her eyes in pleasure she lets Arizona continue until she is unable to stand not kissing her. Pulling the blonde back up Callie possessively claims her lips causing Arizona to tremble from the fervor.

A series of mind-blowing and frenzied kisses continue as the two women reassure each other of their feelings. In the back of Callie's mind she knows that they longer they kiss the less likely they are to ever finish the conversation they truly need to have but feeling Arizona's warm body against hers makes it impossible to want to pull away. _Just a few more kisses_. Callie lets out a whimper when Arizona's hand begins play with the hem of tee-shirt. Leaning forward she uses her weight to gently push Callie back against the couch cushions. _I have to stop now or I'll never be able to._ Pulling her lips away slightly Callie manages to get out, "Arizona." However, it comes out as moan since Arizona's hand had made its way under Callie's shirt and was softly massaging her breast. _Oh God, that feels good._

Unaware of Callie's attempts to end their kissing Arizona only gets more encouraged as she hears Calliope moan. Grinning to herself she tweaks Callie's nipple into a hard peak. _I love her. She needs to know._ Wanting to prove her love, Arizona moves her hips against Callie's creating a delicious friction.

Quickly losing her grasp on reality Callie momentarily considers giving in as she arches her hips against Arizona's feeling another bolt of pleasure go through her. _This feels so good._ Torn between wanting to make love or finish their conversation Callie knows that the later is more important. _The physical part of our relationship has never been an issue. _Tearing her lips away from Arizona's she knows that as much as she wants to lose herself in Arizona they need to talk first. "Wait, wait." she says breathlessly already missing the taste of Arizona's lips.

Surprised to feel Callie pull away, Arizona pauses slightly. Her heart pounding in her chest she moves back just a fraction and breathes out, "Why?"

Hearing the desire in voice makes Callie even more turned on. Dropping her head back on the couch she forces herself to say, "Because we need to finish our conversation."

Sighing in disappointment Arizona slides her hand out from under Callie's shirt and shifts to the side so that she isn't completely on top of her. "I know we do" she begrudgingly admits. _She's right. I know she's right but I want to make love to her so bad._ Giving one more attempt to continue kissing she seductively says "But actions do speak louder than words."

Feeling another rush of desire course through her body Callie slowly whines "Arizona," as she sits up to literally put some distance between them before her resolve crumbles. _This woman is going to be the death of me._

Knowing that Callie is right Arizona suppresses the urge to follow her to the other side of the couch and kiss her senseless. Taking a calming breath to squelch her desire she also sits up maintaining the distance between then. _Touching her is not going to lead to a conversation._ Seeing Callie's uneven breathing and flushed faced causes another wave of longing to pass through her as she thinks of all things she wants to do. _My girlfriend is so hot_.

After several moments Callie finally feels calm enough to look at Arizona without wanting to jump her bones. However, one glance at Arizona's lustful gaze and Callie's control falters_. We need to talk. We need to talk_. She repeats in head trying to stay strong. _Then we'll have sex until neither of us can move_. "You can't look at me like that." Callie says exasperatedly.

"Why not?" Arizona asks, pushing away the image of water running over Calliope's body.

"Because I know that look." Callie says pointedly. "That look usually ends with us in the shower." _Which sounds amazing. Focus Torres, we have to talk first. Then sex, lots and lots of sex._

Arizona just smiles at how well Callie knows her. Running her fingers through her hair and taking another breathe to settle herself she remembers what brought on the intense kissing in first place. _I hurt her._ Immediately Arizona's guilt returns full force like a bucket of ice water being dumped on her. "Do you think I'm a terrible person?" she asks in a small voice.

Callie's eyebrows rise in surprise. "What? Of course not."

"Are you sure?" Sitting back on the couch and bringing her knees up to her chest she continues. "I've broken your heart, made you cry, doubted that you love me and then basically gave you an ultimatum to prove your love." Looking over with sad eyes and weak smile she quietly says, "That sure sounds like something a terrible person would do."

"Ari, you're not a terrible person." Callie says reassuringly as she shifts on the couch to get more comfortable. With a growing smile she says, "You make me feel loved and special every time you look at me. You made me the happiest I've ever been in whole my life when you said we'd have a family together." Moving closer and looking into her girlfriend's eyes Callie tries to ease the guilt she sees there. "We've both broken each other's hearts and been responsible for tears but that was in the past. Besides, a terrible person wouldn't feel terrible about being terrible." She finishes hoping to elicit a small chuckle but unfortunately Arizona's troubled expression remains.

"What about my doubting? What about the ultimatum?" She responds needing to know how upset Callie was about what she said at the hospital. _I know I would still be mad._

Sinking back into the couch Callie leans her head back and stares at the ceiling. "I don't know." she says somberly. Letting the words hang between them Callie feels Arizona watching her. _Why does this have to be so difficult?_ "You say that you believe me when I tell you I love you…"

"I do." Arizona responds immediately causing Callie to pick her up head and look over at her_. Please believe me._ "I know you love me." she says seriously.

"But why?" Callie says pleadingly. Searching her girlfriend's face in the hopes of finding an answer she lets out a sigh. "Arizona, I need to know why now? A few hours ago me just being me wasn't enough to convince you and now all of sudden it is?" _Crap, that came out sounding angry._ "I'm not saying that I don't believe you." Callie continues in a much softer voice letting Arizona know that she's not mad. "I just really need to know what changed your mind."

"You saved my life." Arizona says matter-of-factly. _How can she not know this?_ Turning her body towards Callie's she locks eyes with her. "You put yourself between me and gun. You risked your life to save mine just minutes after I yelled at you." She says in amazement_. I just hope you didn't do that to prove you love me_. "How could I possibly doubt that you love me after that?"

"Oh." Callie utters in surprise. _I guess that would do it. I just never really thought about it that way._ "Well, all right then. Mystery solved." She says jokingly but Arizona doesn't laugh. In fact she just sits there fidgeting with her hands. "Arizona?"

Looking down Arizona musters up the courage to ask, "Did you do it because of our fight?"

Confusion spreads across Callie's face. "Did I do what because our fight?"

Looking back up at Callie with an unreadable expression Arizona quickly speaks in a single breath. "Did you risk your life because of our fight? Did you rush to protect me because you wanted me to believe that you loved me? Did you almost die because I was selfish enough to demand that you prove you love me?" Finally taking a breath she looks away from Callie's flabbergasted expression. "Please tell me you didn't." she finishes softly. _I'll never forgive myself if you almost died because of that stupid fight. _

"Arizona" Callie calls to her but the blonde refuses to lift her eyes. _She's blaming herself for something that didn't even happen. _"Hey, will you please look at me?" Arizona lifts her gaze to meet Callie's. "The truth is… I don't know." Arizona's expression falls slightly. _Choose your words wisely Torres, she's fragile right now_. "I know that you want me to say that our fight had nothing to do with my protecting you but I can't tell you that."

"So you did do it to prove you love me?" She asks miserably. _Great job Arizona. Nearly get the love of your life killed because you don't believe she loves you_. "I'm sorry. I never meant–" but Arizona falls silence as Callie gently places a finger on her lips.

"Don't you think we've apologized enough for one day?" she asks with a smile. "And I didn't say that I did protect you because of the fight. I said that I can't tell you I didn't." Callie finishes as she removes her finger from Arizona's lips.

"I don't understand." Arizona replies.

"Ari, it was a reaction." Callie says with a shrug. "I didn't have time to process my reasons for it. All I knew was that I couldn't let anything happen to you."

"And proving that you loved me had nothing to do with?" Arizona asks doubtfully.

"I didn't say that." Callie responds with a sigh. "I really don't know. I guess maybe it had something to do with it." She says unsurely. _I don't know the right thing to say_. Leaning into the couch she sees Arizona close her eyes in disappointment at that comment. _And clearly that was not it._ "Why does it matter anyways? The point it that were both safe."

"Why does it matter?" Arizona says with her voice rising. "It matters because my stupid words nearly got you killed. It matters because you should have never felt that you had to do that to convince me." She says with anger directed at herself. _You idiot! You just had to make her prove she loves you. What is this the second grade? You're supposed to work with kids not act like one._

"Stop it." Callie's commanding voice pulls Arizona away from her berating thoughts. "Stop beating yourself up for something that didn't happen." Reaching over she takes Arizona's hand and places it on her cheek. "See. I'm here, I'm fine."

"No thanks to me." Arizona bitterly replies.

"Argh! What can I do to make you understand?" Callie exclaims in frustration. _This is getting ridiculous. _

Suddenly standing up she pulls Arizona with her so they are facing each other with barely a foot of space between them. "What would you do if someone came through that door and tried to hurt me?" she asks as she points to the door in her apartment.

Confused at the change in conversation Arizona answers, "I don't know… stop them?" Callie fixes her with a look serious look. "I'd protect you." She admits.

"Right. You'd protect me on instinct." Callie tells her. "Now, what if I told you that I needed to be convinced that you loved me? What if I asked you to prove it and then 20 minutes later someone came through that door trying to hurt me. Would you react any differently?"

Arizona inwardly cringes as she hears Callie repeat the demands she had made of her. _Is this what it felt like for her? Even though she's not really asking, it still stings._ Pushing away those thoughts she replies. "Of course not, I'd still protect you."

Smiling Callie then says, "And would you being doing it because you were trying to prove you loved me?"

"Yes. No. Maybe?" Arizona stumbles over her words as she tries to determine what her motivation would be. _Would it be about proving my love? No, I'd just want to protect her which would prove I love her but that wouldn't be the reason behind my actions._ Giving a slight chuckle she smiles at Callie. "Ok, you win." Arizona admits as she put her hands on Callie's waist gently pulling her closer. "I wouldn't know either. I'd just want to keep you safe."

Dropping a kiss on Arizona's nose Callie pulls back to look her in the eyes. "So do you understand now?"

Unable to resist stealing a kiss Arizona leans in a brushes her lips against Callie's. "Yes, I understand now. I just needed to know that it wasn't solely because of the fight." She says leaning her forehead against Callie's.

Breathing in the familiar scent of Arizona relaxes Callie as she wraps her arms around the smaller women. "It wasn't. Keeping you safe is something I'll always do."

Arizona slightly nods her head. "I love you" she whispers.

Callie smiles at those words. _I'll never get tired of hearing her say that_. "I love you too."

Arizona tilts her head up to place a ghost of kiss on Callie's lips before she leans back to look into her eyes. _She needs to hear this_. "I know you do" she tells her meaningfully. Callie's smile widens as she moves to pull her close again but Arizona stands firm wanting to make sure Callie really understands.

A look of confusion crosses Callie's face as Arizona refuses to budge. Bringing her hand up to cup Callie's cheek Arizona continues speaking with soft determination. "I need to make sure you hear me. I know you love me_." I don't want her to ever doubt this again. _Braking their embrace to sit back down Arizona tugs on Callie's hand to have her sit down as well. Arizona slowly brings Callie's hand up to her lips and places a soft kiss on it. "I know you love me and it has nothing to do with what happened at the hospital."

Callie gives her a quizzical expression and opens her mouth to speak but Arizona keeps talking. "I know I said that you saving me convinced me and I wont deny that it was a wake up call but I don't want you thinking that it's the only reason." _It's everything about you. _Taking in a breath she finally pours her heart out to Callie.

"I know you love me because of how you treat me. You support me and challenge me and protect me and comfort me. You make me laugh after a bad day but you're also willing to fight with me when I start a stupid argument because I'm upset about something else. You never give up on us. You never walk away." Gently squeezing her hand Arizona leans in closer as her voice gets overcome with emotion. "I know you love me. I can feel it every time you look at me. Every time you touch me." She says while running her thumb across the back of Callie's hand. "You make me feel cherished and desired and loved." Her voice slightly shakes as she continues. "I love you and I love how you love me. And I've never felt this way before, with anyone. Not Laura, not Rebecca, only you. And I was afraid that it wouldn't last. That something like before would happen, so I panicked." Looking into the astonished face of her girlfriend Arizona leans in so only a breath of space is between them, and with as much emotion as possible she states, "I know you love me."

Callie sits there in amazement as she listens to Arizona_. I've never heard her talk like this_. Falling even more in love as Arizona explains the way she makes her feel Callie squeezes her hand back. Almost afraid to breath for fear of distracting her Callie mutely listens, taking everything in_. She really does believe me. She was just scared. What happened before and who is Rebecca? _Callie's thoughts rapidly disappear as Arizona gets so close that Callie can feel her warm breath on her lips as Arizona assuredly whispers, "I know you love me." Leaning forward to close the fraction of space between them, she tenderly kisses Arizona. "Thank you. That was just…" _I don't even know what to say._ "That was… wow." Callie finishes breathlessly bringing a smile to Arizona's lips.

Unable to wipe the grin off her face Callie leans in to steal another kiss. "You really are awesome," she says with a smile as she pulls back. Arizona softly chuckles and tilts her head forward hide the faint blush that is creeping into her cheeks. Callie relishes in their tender moment before speaking again. _For once the silence golden_. Stealing one more quick kiss Callie then leans back into the couch cushions and pulls Arizona with her while draping her arm over the blonde's shoulders and pulling her in close. Arizona quickly responds by letting her head fall on Callie's shoulder and resting her arm across Callie's waist. Feeling Arizona so content against her brings another smile to Callie's face. She softly traces her fingers in a meaningless pattern over Arizona's arm before she speaks. "So I guess you kinda like me?" Callie says jokingly breaking the silence and she is rewarded with a chuckle from Arizona.

Snuggling closer to Callie, Arizona smiles and playfully answers, "Well, maybe just a little bit." _It feels so good to have finally told her._ Becoming serious once more Arizona assuredly says, "I meant every word."

At that statement Callie pulls her even closer and drops a kiss on her forehead. "I know you did and I can't even begin to tell you how much it means to me." _It was amazing hearing her talk like that._ Speaking tenderly Callie continues, "I wish I could articulate my feelings that well but right now words just seem to fail me."

Arizona tilts her head up to look at Callie before she speaks. "Actions speak louder words," she says with a smile.

**I need to thank ****fcallit**** for giving me the kick in the pants I needed to update this story. I made sure not leave it on a cliffhanger this time because I have no idea when or if I'll add to this although it doesn't feel finished yet. Anyways, please review and let me know what you think.**


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